For generations, adulthood meant financial independence: leaving home, earning your own salary, and eventually being in a position to help your parents. But as rents, mortgages, food and household bills have soared, parental financial help is no longer something that stops when you leave home.
For some adults, the Bank of Mum and Dad isn’t just helping with weddings and house deposits; it’s also quietly paying electricity bills, buying the weekly food shop, covering childcare and transferring money when their grown-up children approach the end of the month with nothing left in the bank.
Data from SpareRoom shows that over a quarter of under-thirties received a deposit loan from parents or relatives to help them start renting, highlighting just how hard it is to leave home at all. Almost a fifth (19 per cent) had needed financial help to meet their monthly rent payments. Even renters over 40 can also be financially reliant on parents or relatives: 7 per cent receive assistance with rent, and one in 10 need a deposit loan.
The help can be invaluable, but accepting it can bring complicated emotions: gratitude mixed with embarrassment, guilt and the nagging feeling that, despite having a job and responsibilities of your own, you haven’t quite managed adulthood.
Here, five people reveal what it feels like when your parents are still helping to pay the bills.
Dolly Parton – a life in pictures
Dolly Parton died on Tuesday at the age of 80. Tributes from around the world have honoured the country music superstar, who passed away following a “brief battle with cancer”.
The singer was best known for her genre-defining hits including “9 To 5”, “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene”.
Born into a musical family in 1946
Dolly Rebecca Parton was born in 1946, the fourth of 12 children, into a poor farming family who lived in a one-bedroom cabin in Tennessee.
Her father, Robert Lee Parton, was a tobacco farmer. Parton spoke about her mother, Avie Lee, singing folk songs all the time, and her aunt played the guitar.
Country star’s unique style
During her teens, Parton began modelling herself on a local character known as the “town tramp”.
The lady wore bright red nail polish, low-cut tops and high heels – young Dolly thought she was beautiful.
A musical powerhouse
Despite being unable to read sheet music, Parton was proficient on several instruments including the banjo, harp, piano and saxophone. She had her first No 1 hit with the song “Joshua” in 1971.
- It was the theme song that Parton wrote for the 1980 movie 9 to 5 that fully propelled her to stardom.
A nearly 60-year marriage
Parton maintained a deeply committed, nearly 60-year marriage to Carl Dean until his death in 2025. “Carl and I spent many wonderful years together. Words can’t do justice to the love we shared,” Parton said when he died.
Dean remained out of the public eye, choosing to focus on his asphalt-paving business in Nashville. The couple had no children.
Parton’s life in pictures
How shingles jab ‘could slash heart risks’
The shingles vaccine currently used by the NHS may slash the risk of heart failure, heart disease and stroke, according to a new study.
What you need to know
Shingles is a viral infection that causes a painful rash and the jab that protects against it – Shingrix – is available on the NHS for people aged 65-70, people aged 70-79 (as part of a catch-up program) and for those over 18 with a severely weakened immune system.
Experts say that if all over-60s had the jab, it could prevent tens of thousands of deaths.
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The study
The NHS switched to Shingrix from the former vaccine, Zostavax, three years ago. Researchers from the University of Oxford compared the risk of stroke, ischemic heart disease or heart failure between the two vaccines over seven years.
- They analysed data from more than 70,000 people and found that up to seven years after the jab, people who had Shingrix lived 9 per cent longer without developing a cardiovascular disease.
more on health from the i paper
Children’s eyesight is getting worse. This is what parents can do about it
The rise in short-sightedness is not directly caused by too much screen time, but a related change in children’s behaviour. Fortunately it can be reversed.
Why nicotine vapes are still best chance to quit smoking
Smokers are more likely to quit their habit by using vapes compared to conventional methods such as nicotine gum and patches, according to a new study.
Quit rates are higher
The Cochrane Review examined 80 studies involving almost 30,000 people and found that quit rates were higher with vape use, with it leading to 61 per cent increased odds that a quit attempt would be successful after six months.
- That means that eight to 10 out of 100 people using vaping to quite smoking might succeed compared to six of 100 people using nicotine-replacement therapy.
Providing vapes can help
Researchers looked at behavioural support – offered through advice and counselling – and found that people who were also given nicotine vapes were more likely to quit.
The expert view
We have very strong evidence that regulated nicotine e-cigarettes are substantially less harmful than smoking. Based on the consistency of the findings here, it’s clear that they are a proven and viable option for people wishing to quit cigarettes
Dr Jamie Hartmann-Boyce, senior author of the review from University of Massachusetts Amherst
At least 15 newborn babies die in Islamabad hospital fire
At least 15 infants were killed when a fire broke out at a state-run hospital in Pakistan’s capital Islamabad, triggered by a fault in air conditioning systems, local broadcaster Geo TV reported.
Here is everything we know about the incident so far.
What happened?
The blaze started at around 7am local time on Wednesday at the Pakistan Institute of Medical Sciences on the third floor of the mother and child health ward.
The incident is among the deadliest hospital fires in recent years in the country, where government healthcare is subsidised but facilities are overburdened.
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The story in pictures
A closer look at the detail
- There were 16 newborns in the ward when the fire broke out, one of whom was rescued, Geo reported.
- Prime minister Shehbaz Sharif has directed authorities to conduct an immediate investigation, his office said.
- “Those responsible should be identified, and the strictest action should be taken,” Sharif’s office said.
How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA
The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?
Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.
Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?
The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.
Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.
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A champion of EV efficiency
It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400
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It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.
It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.
- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
- It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps.
- There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
- Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds.
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The kitchen gadgets under £25
Victorinox paring knife
It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.
ProCook cast iron pan
For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice.
Tesco chopping board
Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Pyrex jug
It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.
Salter scales
“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”
Microplane grater
It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match.
Braun hand-held blender
It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce.
Bodum cafetiere
As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.
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The kitchen gadgets under £25
Oxo peeler
What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.
Falcon pie dish
Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe.
The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.
Golden rules for happy relationships
Start with your own behaviours
The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.
Express your needs
People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.
Golden rules for happy relationships
The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule
If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.
Lean on community
You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong.
Stop blaming childhood
Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.
Reach for a
secure script
When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one.
If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’
Loneliness elsewhere
When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.
What to do
- Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
- You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle.
- Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
- Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.
‘I sometimes feel like that I’m pretending to be an adult’
“I’m almost 30, and my parents still pay for virtually everything. They pay the rent on my flat, which is £1,500 a month. They cover the gas and electricity, council tax, broadband and my mobile phone. They bought my car and pay the insurance, tax and servicing.
I earn £33,000 a year in a marketing role, so I’m not sitting at home doing nothing. But because almost all my essential expenses are covered by mum and dad, my salary is mine to spend or save. I spend it mostly on travelling. I have also started saving for a house deposit, although I suspect my parents would take care of that, too.
This isn’t something that started when I got into financial trouble. It’s simply how my family has always operated. I’m an only child, and my parents sold a business they’d built from scratch for millions in the early Noughties.
When I went to university, dad paid my accommodation, and mum transferred spending money every month. After I graduated and moved into my first flat, the payments just carried on. At 23, that didn’t seem particularly strange. At 29, it does. Sometimes it makes me feel completely incompetent.
Obviously, I’m incredibly lucky. But I also sometimes feel as though I’m pretending to be an adult rather than actually being one.
Dating is awkward. I dated someone last year who found out my parents were paying the bills. He made a joke about me being a ‘trust-fund baby‘. I’m not – my parents are simply generous – but I was mortified. After that, I became more secretive about it. I tend to only feel shame about my privilege when other people bring it up. I don’t feel like I should apologise for having parents who wanted to give me the best start in life.
My parents aren’t controlling, but when somebody is funding your entire lifestyle, you never feel completely independent from them. If dad thinks I’m wasting money, his opinion carries weight because, ultimately, so much of what I have comes from him. I’ve started wondering whether turning 30 should be my cut-off point. If I let them, I suspect my parents would still be paying my bills when I’m 40. But I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I’m financially comfortable, yet totally incapable of looking after myself.”
‘Mum pays £300 into my account every month. I hate that I need it‘
“Every month, £300 appears in my bank account from my mum. That money goes towards my energy bill, council tax and food. Without it, I’d probably be putting groceries on a credit card by the third week of the month.
If you’d told me when I was 25 that I’d be getting an allowance from my mother in my mid-thirties, I’d have been mortified.
I’m single and rent a one-bedroom flat for £1,200 a month, which is more than half of my take-home pay as an HR officer. Three years ago, the rent was £875. Once I’ve paid the rest of my bills, there isn’t much left. Something as mundane as needing two new tyres can wipe out my savings.
My mum first started helping after my rent went up significantly two years ago. I mentioned that I was considering moving into a house share. She immediately said: ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll help.’ At first, I refused. She’s 65, widowed and still works part-time. She should be spending her money on enjoying herself, not me. Eventually, she wore me down.
A lot of my friends are also experiencing money troubles, but I don’t get too involved in the conversation because I am embarrassed to admit I’m only managing my finances with help from my mum. I know for a lot of people that’s not an option.
I’ve cut back as much as I can. I rarely buy clothes, take lunch to work and shop in cheaper supermarkets. It’s not as though mum is funding a glamorous lifestyle. My goal is to get a promotion within the next year and finally be able to tell mum to stop sending me money.”
‘If my parents didn’t pay my vet bills, I’d have to give my dog up‘
“When I got a puppy seven years ago, I never imagined that one day I would consider giving him up because I could no longer afford his care. When Monty was six months old, he broke one of his back legs in a freak accident, meaning that his pet insurance policy payments tripled after the first year and continue to rise, with his current policy now £2,000 a year.
I knew dogs were expensive. I budgeted for food, vaccinations and the occasional trip to the vet. But what happened with Monty was completely unexpected. He now has lifelong issues, and gets specialist treatment for arthritis – including laser therapy that costs £120 a session, which isn’t covered by insurance.
By the time I’ve paid all my essential bills each month, on more than one occasion, I’ve had to choose between food for myself or medication for Monty.
Then last year Monty had a serious stomach bug that meant he had to be hospitalised at the vet for three days. The bill was £1,500, and he’d already hit his pet insurance claim limit for the year. I rang my mum from the car park in tears. Within minutes, she had transferred money into my account. Then I admitted the truth: ‘I don’t know if I can afford to keep Monty.’ Mum immediately said: ‘There’s no way you’re giving him up, he’s a part of our family. Anything you need, we’ll take care of it.’
Over the past year, my parents have spent around £5,000 on Monty’s care, which has allowed me to build up some savings in case anything else goes wrong with my house or car. My parents can afford it and insist they don’t mind.
Someone at work recently said she’d noticed I hadn’t moaned about being skint in a while, or complained about the latest vet bill. I flushed with shame. I mumbled something about changing vets and getting a better deal, because it was much less mortifying than saying, ‘My mum and dad take care of Monty’s bills now.’”
‘My parents pay £600 a month towards childcare. My brother doesn’t get any help‘
“I have my own plumbing firm and my wife is a teaching assistant. We have two children, aged one and four, and a household income of around £60,000 a year. Yet my parents give us £600 every month towards childcare. I find that deeply embarrassing.
It began after our second child was born. Our fixed-rate mortgage deal ended, and we had to find an extra £400 a month, money we had earmarked for nursery fees. We started using savings to cover normal monthly expenditure.
One Sunday, while having dinner with my parents, my dad said I looked stressed and asked me directly whether we were struggling financially. I lied and said no, but he knows me too well. A few days later, he rang and said he and mum wanted to pay £600 a month towards childcare. My immediate reaction was ‘no’ until dad said: ‘We can give it to you now, or you can inherit it when we’re dead. Which is more useful?’ I couldn’t really argue with that.
I’m so grateful for the help, but accepting it has subtly changed my relationship with my parents. They never ask what we’re spending, but I sometimes find myself justifying purchases they haven’t even questioned. When we booked a week away at Easter, I found myself saying, ‘We got a really cheap deal’, as though I were a teenager explaining where my pocket money went.
I know other friends have had help with childcare from their parents, although it’s something that only came up in conversation after a few drinks. No one wants to admit they earn a comfortable wage but can’t pay for their kids’ nursery. Some people will chime in with, ‘You shouldn’t have had kids if you couldn’t afford them’.
There’s guilt, too. I have a brother who is single and has never needed financial help from my parents. He doesn’t know that mum and dad help us out; I fear it would wreck our relationship.”
‘After my divorce, I had to ask my 78-year-old father to pay my mortgage‘
“My lowest moment in recent years wasn’t my marriage ending; it was sitting at my father’s kitchen table, aged 49, and asking whether I could borrow £1,000 to pay the mortgage. I was utterly mortified. I’d been married for 22 years and had two children, and after the split, I discovered just how expensive it is to run a household on one income. I’d already downsized, cancelled subscriptions, stopped going out, and became obsessive about switching lights off.
Then my car needed an expensive repair in the same month as several annual bills arrived. I simply didn’t have enough money for the mortgage. Asking my 78-year-old dad for money broke my heart.
I cried before I’d even finished explaining. Dad looked horrified – not because I’d asked, but because I’d clearly been struggling for a while. He transferred £1,000 that afternoon and told me I could repay him whenever I wanted. I did repay it, but that wasn’t the end of his help.
Over the following year, dad began slipping me £50 or £100 here and there. He paid for a new boiler, and gave me money for petrol. Once, after noticing how empty my fridge was, he arrived with two bags of shopping.
I once told a friend that my dad had given me a few quid when I visited him, and the friend replied, ‘You didn’t take money from an old man, did you?’ with such a look of disgust. I told her I’d given the money back but, actually, I used it to buy my daughter some new trainers.
Even now, dad pays my home and car insurance each year. I’ve repeatedly told him not to, but he insists. His attitude is completely matter of fact. He says being my father didn’t stop when I left home. I try to remember that whenever the shame creeps in.”