Divorce, once rare and stigmatised, has become mainstream – 42 per cent of marriages now end this way, meaning nearly half of us who get married can expect to experience it in our lifetime. Just as every marriage is different, so is every divorce. In this column, divorcees reflect on their life-changing experience. Helped by the benefit of hindsight, they share advice and reflections. Here, Lara* shares how her marriage was impacted by miscarriages and affairs.
My husband, George*, and I have been together for 30 years. We met when I was in my twenties and had just finished university. George was 10 years older and pursuing a music career. Back then, life felt – and undoubtedly was – easier. We had adventures, travelled a lot and revelled in our lack of responsibilities. But in 2007, I bought a house in London. I was earning good money and I wanted to start a family, so we happily settled down.
Fast forward to today, and we still live in the same modest house, and we have two terrific boys, aged 15 and eight. Over the years, we’ve navigated challenges like all couples do – I was made redundant from my job in PR and had to go freelance, George abandoned his music and re-trained as a secondary school teacher. We went through seven rounds of gruelling IVF when I was in my late thirties and forties.
Nobody tells you the impact trying to conceive has on your relationship. We were trying for babies for years before IVF and our sex life never really recovered. And while I’d say we get on better than other couples, the intimate part of our relationship finally limped to a close three years ago.
How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA
The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?
Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.
Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?
The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.
Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.
4 min read
A champion of EV efficiency
It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400
2 min read
It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.
It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.
- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
- It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps.
- There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
- Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds.
2 min read
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Victorinox paring knife
It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.
ProCook cast iron pan
For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice.
Tesco chopping board
Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Pyrex jug
It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.
Salter scales
“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”
Microplane grater
It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match.
Braun hand-held blender
It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce.
Bodum cafetiere
As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.
5 min read
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Oxo peeler
What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.
Falcon pie dish
Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe.
The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.
Golden rules for happy relationships
Start with your own behaviours
The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.
Express your needs
People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.
Golden rules for happy relationships
The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule
If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.
Lean on community
You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong.
Stop blaming childhood
Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.
Reach for a
secure script
When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one.
If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’
Loneliness elsewhere
When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.
What to do
- Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
- You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle.
- Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
- Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.
Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…
Foods that leave you hungrier
A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice
More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.
Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.
Foods that leave you hungrier
These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.
Toast and jam
Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.
Foods that leave you hungrier
Vegetable soup
On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.
Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.
Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.
Foods that leave you hungrier
Snack bars
They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.
Low-fat yoghurt
A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.
On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.
What to eat instead
Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.
- Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
- Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
- Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
- Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.
How to age well
without pain
Will Harlow, a physiotherapist
for the over-50s and author of Independence for Life, shares
the key signs you’re ageing
badly – and what to do about it.
How to know
Ageing well is maintaining the ability to do what you want you want for as long as you want without needing help. Everyone is talking about longevity but what’s the point in living longer if the last decade is painful and you’re [totally] reliant on people?”
The signs to look out for
- The most obvious early warning sign of bad ageing is pain says Harlow.
- Another is losing confidence in doing daily tasks, which can quickly lead to a lack of independence.
- One call Harlow often receives is people calling after having a fall and struggling to get up.
4 min read
How to age without pain
Not just stopping
When people retire, they often put their feet up and stop. Your body really is use it or lose it.
Throughout our entire lives, Harlow says we need between seven and nine hours of sleep.
Social isolation
The lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death by
as much as 29 per cent.
Strength training
It really is the proxy for
overall independence.
The more muscle mass you have, the less chance of heart disease, diabetes, falls and even anxiety, depression and dementia.
The brain can be linked to muscle mass too, Harlow says. It’s not just about being able to lift things. It gives you more energy, better sleep and you’ll look and feel better.
How to age without pain
Daily habits
Do short bursts of exercise, between 30 and 60 seconds, in otherwise dead time during the day.
Stretch in bed
Take joints through a full range of motion for five minutes to loosen it before getting up.
Don’t crash diet
How to age without pain
Harlow advises 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight to stop muscle loss alongside resistance training.
Don’t wait
Harlow finds that many patients put off making a change to their lifestyle until their lives are consumed by pain.
For most people, it’s about reducing the number of times per week you’re exercising, not reducing intensity.
The three ageing tests to do
- Lie completely flat on the floor and get back up to a standing position using any technique. This should take less than 10 seconds.
See how many times you can sit on the chair and stand back up again in 30 seconds. Men should be aiming for more than 14 times and women 12.
The single-leg stand, which involves standing on one leg and balancing for 10 seconds. Everyone should be able to do that and for those under 65, Harlow asks them to do it with their eyes closed.
Despite the job market hiring fewer entry-level roles, employers are still looking for grads…
But you should be prepared to keep an open mind.
We’ve compiled the sectors hiring graduate roles, what degree is required, and what they pay.
The degrees to choose for a career
Hiring in the UK could
finally be on the up
47%
of employers offered entry-level
positions from July.
That is up nearly 15 per cent from the same period last year.
700,000
But graduate unemployment rose to six per cent in 2025 and 700,000 jobless graduates were claiming benefits.
Finance and insurance
- Around 42 per cent of UK finance and insurance employers say they will be open to graduate roles this summer.
- Business loan company Portman Finance Group has taken on 50 graduates over the past four years.
Portman graduates start on £36,000 for the two-year programme and the education you need to apply is a minimum “ABB” of A-levels, and a 2:1 or above university degree. But not in a specific subject.
Trade and logistics
What makes it particularly rewarding is that there’s always something to learn.
Nearly half (47 per cent) of trade and logistics companies will be giving graduates a go this year.
Salaries start at £30,000 with an uncapped bonus, rising to £50,000 plus a company car as a senior account partner.
Technology and IT
More than half (52 per cent) of UK tech and IT firms are actively looking for graduates.
Successful entry-level candidates can earn a basic salary of up to £35,000, with the opportunity to triple that within their first three years of working.
4 min read
Public sector, health
and social services
46 per cent of public sector, health and social services organisations are also ready to take graduates, according to a survey by Manpower.
- For example, Police Now runs a graduate programme into policing. They recruit graduates from any degree field, as long as they achieve a 2:2 or above. Starting salaries range from £31,164 to £42,210 depending on location and rising each year.
Can we treat guests without blowing our budget?
According to Waitrose, a dinner party revival is underway led by younger people trying to reduce the cost of getting together.
Always have bread
People will feast on the
ELLA RISBRIDGER, AUTHOR OF THE KITCHEN BOOK – GOOD FOOD FOR EVERY DAY
bread, and then need less fish/steak/expensive whatever. All small plates restaurants know this: this is why the first thing on the menu is always artisan bread and butter.
Use vegetables as centrepieces
Add pantry items
Graham’s recipes include a braised cabbage with a preserved lemon sauce, a roast cauliflower with saffron, and harrisa roast carrots with mango labneh.
How to host on a budget
Improve the everyday
Guests will always appreciate a stellar interpretation of the ordinary. Think lasagna or curry.
Cooking dinner for your guests is spoiling them – you’re being generous with your time, your effort, and your home. So don’t feel the need to go overboard elsewhere.
Ask for help
Ask friends to bring a contribution, be it a nibble or a pudding.
Big platter energy
[Presentation] can be the key to elevating something . Spaghetti and tomato sauce suddenly looks like a feast when tumbled on a lovely big plate, dressed with olive oil and parmesan and placed in the middle of the table.
Food writer and editor Eleanor Steafel
How to host on a budget
Taco party
Have one expensive filling, like shredded chicken, and two cheaper options, like refried beans, says Ella Risbridger.
Shop-bought ice cream is so easily zhuzhed up with the help of handy toppings, says Eleanor Steafel.
We’ve had an honest conversation about it – in fact, a few conversations – and we just don’t find each other attractive anymore. And once you’ve told your husband that you don’t desire him, well, you can’t take it back. It’s not about buying some new underwear and going on a diet.
On the face of it, the easiest solution would be for us to split but the practical considerations can’t be ignored. The main problem is we can’t afford a second property. I’m the main earner and neither of us can stump up the money to rent a London flat so that George can stay close to the boys. Plus, I love him and don’t want to see him struggling in a house-share in his mid-sixties, especially as 10 years ago we discovered he’s autistic; he experiences a lot of social anxiety and finds it hard to make new friends. Furthermore, our eldest son is very close to him and I think he would want to live with George if he left. So this would divide our family. I also worry that the children would blame me as they know that I own the property and pay most of the bills. Aside from all of that, I simply can’t imagine us not living together.
We still have intimate gestures, despite not having sex. We hold hands after a bad day; George offers me a lot of physical comfort as he’s pragmatic, whereas I tend to catastrophise; we go out for dinner sometimes or out to a gig or the cinema.
And I’m realistic about the alternative. I have friends who have recently divorced and while initially they felt euphoric, imagining wild dates, child-free weekends and a future unshackled by the everyday gripes of modern marriage, the elation didn’t last. Dodgy men on apps. Terrible loneliness at weekends. Unhappy and resentful kids. I’m not saying that divorce is wrong, but I just know that some of my female friends regret it.
Some people may think not getting divorced is a cop out, and that a no-sex relationship is a failure, and I’d say, don’t judge until you’ve walked in our shoes. One friend did comment, “I just feel like you’re sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of him”. But our relationship is stable. We are good parents – not perfect – but we do our best. My parents split up when I was five and the impact on me was detrimental. I didn’t want to do that to my kids. My parents were always travelling (both worked in academia), and my sisters and I had an everchanging roll call of step-parents. My mum married four times. I’ve craved stability all my life and I feel like we’ve created that at home.
Admittedly, there was a period when George and I argued, but that has calmed. We’ve agreed to reassess things regularly. If one of us meets someone new, then things will change. We had a conversation a month ago and I said, “I don’t want to go through the rest of my life never having sex”. George is a decade older than me and had slept around when he was young (being the guitarist in a band meant he had no shortage of women chasing him). In contrast, I’d only had a couple of relationships before we met. I don’t have a rampant libido but the idea of never having sex again makes me sad. I’m 53 and not ready for a life of celibacy.
He clearly misses sex, too, particularly the closeness and he is generally quite tactile. We have joked about one of us having an affair but it feels too complicated to navigate. I did have a couple of flirtations at work, they gave me a new lease of life and one even turned into a text affair. However, I quickly realised that it was just escapism. I’d never raise children with the guy I was texting. I’d never choose to live with him.
The reality is that George and I are both tired and are often just surviving. Five years ago, when I thought about us trying to reignite our love life, I read articles and advice columns and listened to podcasts by relationship therapist Esther Perel. I suggested date nights. The whole thing was like having another job.
I work hard as a freelance marketing consultant. At work, George is dealing with kids who are often quite difficult. He leaves the house at dawn. At the end of a typical workday, we collapse on the sofa, and cuddle. We talk about our days. We cook something delicious. Have a couple of drinks. The only awkward moments are when we’re watching TV, and a sex scene comes on, then I get this guilt, a sense that we’re “not normal” because we’re not intimate anymore.
However, since we agreed to “live together as friends”, this awkwardness has eased because we’re not trying to regain something we’ve lost. We laugh a lot. We share so much history.
The boys don’t know about our new situation because we don’t need to tell them. In their eyes, we’re just fighting less. But it does feel like George and I are doing the relationship equivalent of a “holding pattern” – like a plane circling around, not ready to land, and not even sure at which airport it will end up. I am aware that we can’t live like this forever.