A woman who says that she was abused by her mother from the age of one knew that another beating was heading her way whenever the opening bars of ABBA’s ‘Fernando’ began playing.
Pixie-Rae Price said that the song would play downstairs shortly before she heard her mother’s footsteps approaching her bedroom.
More than two decades after leaving home, 40-year-old Pixie still can’t listen to the song without experiencing emotional trauma.
She claims that her mother, Laura Price, would slap and strangle her, as well as throw her down the stairs.
Yet to people outside the family, she appeared to be a devoted parent who gave her daughter everything that she wanted.
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Pixie, a former dance teacher from Hersham, Surrey, said: ‘My mum had me at 15. To other people, she came across as the most wonderful, loving mother. On the outside, I was spoilt; I had dance lessons, gymnastics, horses. On the outside looking in, our life was good.’
Behind closed doors, however, Pixie said that the reality was ‘horrific’. She described her mother as a heavy drinker who also smoked cannabis and struggled severely with her mental health.
Laura would hold what Pixie called ‘an alcohol session’ in the living room and would quickly become upset about something — anything. Her mood could quickly turn and it would generally be directed angrily at her daughter.
Pixie said: ‘She would get upset about something and the next minute she would be in my room and started beating me. My mum would throw me down the stairs, slap me around the face and strangle me.’
Certain sounds became warnings that violence was about to begin. One of the clearest was ‘Fernando’, the 1976 ABBA hit that most people associate with considerably happier occasions like parties and weddings. But not Pixie.
‘When ABBA’s Fernando started playing, I knew something was about to go down,’ Pixie said. ‘When I heard the footsteps coming upstairs, I knew I was about to get beaten. I can’t listen to ABBA now; I am traumatised.’
She said that she later discovered a doctor’s note from when she was one year old which read: ‘Victim of physical abuse. From mother, placed on CPR.’
The violence was also accompanied by emotional abuse that Pixie said she largely blocked out until beginning therapy. She claims that her mother blamed her for everything and called her ‘fat’, ‘ugly’ and ‘selfish’.
‘My mum called me fat and ugly, as well as a dipstick, dork and moron. I was very young and blocked a lot of the emotional abuse out until I started therapy – that brought back a lot of memories.’
At 14, she began drinking to cope with what she had experienced. She also developed anorexia and received treatment in hospital.
‘Drinking was a big issue in my life for a while, but anorexia was my biggest issue,’ she said. ‘My mum was so beautiful, I just wanted to look like her.’
Pixie moved out of her mother’s home at the age of 15 but continued to have something of an ‘on and off’ relationship with her family. She eventually cut contact with her mother completely.
Alcohol remained part of Pixie’s life for years and she has described herself as a ‘functioning alcoholic’. She entered rehab in 2022 when her drinking began to take over her life.
‘I relapsed a couple of times, but I went cold turkey in 2023, and I haven’t touched a drop since,’ she said.
What to do if you're experiencing domestic abuse
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, you are not alone. And whether you are currently coping with or have made the decision to leave, you do have options.
- If you are thinking about leaving, domestic abuse charity Refuge suggests starting a record of abusive incidents, which might include saving pictures or messages, or making notes of times, dates and details of incidents.
- The next step is to make copies of important documents such as court orders, marriage certificates, National Insurance Numbers and your driving licence.
- In the meantime, identify the safer areas of your home so that you know where to go if your abuser becomes aggravated. Ideally, this should be a room with a phone and a door or window to the outside.
- If you feel ready to leave, start by making a plan for a safe, reliable route out. If you feel safe to do so, pack an emergency bag so that you leave in a hurry if needed.
- You can access a local refuge, either with or without children, for as long as you need to stay. The address is confidential. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) is open 24-hours a day and has all the details of refuges in your area.
- In an emergency situation, ring 999 and ask for the police. If you aren’t able to talk, try the Silent Solution: after dialling 999, listen to the questions from the operator and respond by coughing or tapping your device, if possible. If prompted, press 55 to let the operator know it’s an emergency – you’ll be put through to the police.
Becoming sober also changed the way that she viewed her mother and the grief that followed her death.
Pixie had been estranged from Laura for five years when her sister called in October 2017 to say that their mother had died by suicide. She said that mourning somebody whom she regarded as her abuser caused deeply conflicting emotions.
‘The whole experience was a head f*** – it was very conflicting,’ Pixie said. ‘It has only been in the past couple of years, as I got sober, that I am annoyed that I grieved her.’
She found herself questioning why she had mourned so intensely, but said that she didn’t feel glad her mother was dead. She has instead reached a point where she can forgive her.
Pixie added: ‘Nobody deserves to die by suicide. It was a sad moment in my life – I have learned to forgive my mum.’
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