Divorce, once rare and stigmatised, has become mainstream – 42 per cent of marriages now end this way, meaning nearly half of us who get married can expect to experience it in our lifetime. Just as every marriage is different, so is every divorce. In this column, divorcees reflect on their life-changing experience. Helped by the benefit of hindsight, they share advice and reflections.
Farhana Hussain, 49, from Kent, put her family’s needs above her own for 15 years, until one morning, she simply couldn’t do it anymore. Interview by Lauren Crosby Medlicott.
After being married to my husband for 15 years, I woke up one morning and thought to myself: “This can’t be it. This can’t be what my life is. We married in 2004, when I was 26, after dating for three years.
Although Matt* wasn’t my type and most certainly wasn’t the person my conservative Muslim Bengali family thought I’d marry (they would have preferred I marry someone with my cultural background – Matt is Caucasian and of Christian heritage), Matt’s humour had been so attractive to me early on, and we got on really well.
My family put heavy pressure on me to marry – it was often suffocating – and marrying Matt was a way to satisfy their desire for my marriage but also fulfil my own need to be rebellious.
How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA
The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?
Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.
Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?
The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.
Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.
4 min read
A champion of EV efficiency
It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400
2 min read
It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.
It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.
- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
- It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps.
- There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
- Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds.
2 min read
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Victorinox paring knife
It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.
ProCook cast iron pan
For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice.
Tesco chopping board
Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Pyrex jug
It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.
Salter scales
“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”
Microplane grater
It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match.
Braun hand-held blender
It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce.
Bodum cafetiere
As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.
5 min read
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Oxo peeler
What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.
Falcon pie dish
Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe.
The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.
Golden rules for happy relationships
Start with your own behaviours
The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.
Express your needs
People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.
Golden rules for happy relationships
The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule
If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.
Lean on community
You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong.
Stop blaming childhood
Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.
Reach for a
secure script
When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one.
If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’
Loneliness elsewhere
When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.
What to do
- Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
- You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle.
- Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
- Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.
Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…
Foods that leave you hungrier
A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice
More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.
Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.
Foods that leave you hungrier
These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.
Toast and jam
Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.
Foods that leave you hungrier
Vegetable soup
On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.
Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.
Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.
Foods that leave you hungrier
Snack bars
They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.
Low-fat yoghurt
A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.
On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.
What to eat instead
Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.
- Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
- Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
- Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
- Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.
How to age well
without pain
Will Harlow, a physiotherapist
for the over-50s and author of Independence for Life, shares
the key signs you’re ageing
badly – and what to do about it.
How to know
Ageing well is maintaining the ability to do what you want you want for as long as you want without needing help. Everyone is talking about longevity but what’s the point in living longer if the last decade is painful and you’re [totally] reliant on people?”
The signs to look out for
- The most obvious early warning sign of bad ageing is pain says Harlow.
- Another is losing confidence in doing daily tasks, which can quickly lead to a lack of independence.
- One call Harlow often receives is people calling after having a fall and struggling to get up.
4 min read
How to age without pain
Not just stopping
When people retire, they often put their feet up and stop. Your body really is use it or lose it.
Throughout our entire lives, Harlow says we need between seven and nine hours of sleep.
Social isolation
The lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death by
as much as 29 per cent.
Strength training
It really is the proxy for
overall independence.
The more muscle mass you have, the less chance of heart disease, diabetes, falls and even anxiety, depression and dementia.
The brain can be linked to muscle mass too, Harlow says. It’s not just about being able to lift things. It gives you more energy, better sleep and you’ll look and feel better.
How to age without pain
Daily habits
Do short bursts of exercise, between 30 and 60 seconds, in otherwise dead time during the day.
Stretch in bed
Take joints through a full range of motion for five minutes to loosen it before getting up.
Don’t crash diet
How to age without pain
Harlow advises 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight to stop muscle loss alongside resistance training.
Don’t wait
Harlow finds that many patients put off making a change to their lifestyle until their lives are consumed by pain.
For most people, it’s about reducing the number of times per week you’re exercising, not reducing intensity.
The three ageing tests to do
- Lie completely flat on the floor and get back up to a standing position using any technique. This should take less than 10 seconds.
See how many times you can sit on the chair and stand back up again in 30 seconds. Men should be aiming for more than 14 times and women 12.
The single-leg stand, which involves standing on one leg and balancing for 10 seconds. Everyone should be able to do that and for those under 65, Harlow asks them to do it with their eyes closed.
Despite the job market hiring fewer entry-level roles, employers are still looking for grads…
But you should be prepared to keep an open mind.
We’ve compiled the sectors hiring graduate roles, what degree is required, and what they pay.
The degrees to choose for a career
Hiring in the UK could
finally be on the up
47%
of employers offered entry-level
positions from July.
That is up nearly 15 per cent from the same period last year.
700,000
But graduate unemployment rose to six per cent in 2025 and 700,000 jobless graduates were claiming benefits.
Finance and insurance
- Around 42 per cent of UK finance and insurance employers say they will be open to graduate roles this summer.
- Business loan company Portman Finance Group has taken on 50 graduates over the past four years.
Portman graduates start on £36,000 for the two-year programme and the education you need to apply is a minimum “ABB” of A-levels, and a 2:1 or above university degree. But not in a specific subject.
Trade and logistics
What makes it particularly rewarding is that there’s always something to learn.
Nearly half (47 per cent) of trade and logistics companies will be giving graduates a go this year.
Salaries start at £30,000 with an uncapped bonus, rising to £50,000 plus a company car as a senior account partner.
Technology and IT
More than half (52 per cent) of UK tech and IT firms are actively looking for graduates.
Successful entry-level candidates can earn a basic salary of up to £35,000, with the opportunity to triple that within their first three years of working.
4 min read
Public sector, health
and social services
46 per cent of public sector, health and social services organisations are also ready to take graduates, according to a survey by Manpower.
- For example, Police Now runs a graduate programme into policing. They recruit graduates from any degree field, as long as they achieve a 2:2 or above. Starting salaries range from £31,164 to £42,210 depending on location and rising each year.
Can we treat guests without blowing our budget?
According to Waitrose, a dinner party revival is underway led by younger people trying to reduce the cost of getting together.
Always have bread
People will feast on the
ELLA RISBRIDGER, AUTHOR OF THE KITCHEN BOOK – GOOD FOOD FOR EVERY DAY
bread, and then need less fish/steak/expensive whatever. All small plates restaurants know this: this is why the first thing on the menu is always artisan bread and butter.
Use vegetables as centrepieces
Add pantry items
Graham’s recipes include a braised cabbage with a preserved lemon sauce, a roast cauliflower with saffron, and harrisa roast carrots with mango labneh.
How to host on a budget
Improve the everyday
Guests will always appreciate a stellar interpretation of the ordinary. Think lasagna or curry.
Cooking dinner for your guests is spoiling them – you’re being generous with your time, your effort, and your home. So don’t feel the need to go overboard elsewhere.
Ask for help
Ask friends to bring a contribution, be it a nibble or a pudding.
Big platter energy
[Presentation] can be the key to elevating something . Spaghetti and tomato sauce suddenly looks like a feast when tumbled on a lovely big plate, dressed with olive oil and parmesan and placed in the middle of the table.
Food writer and editor Eleanor Steafel
How to host on a budget
Taco party
Have one expensive filling, like shredded chicken, and two cheaper options, like refried beans, says Ella Risbridger.
Shop-bought ice cream is so easily zhuzhed up with the help of handy toppings, says Eleanor Steafel.
From the start of the relationship, I took it on myself to keep everyone happy, playing mediator between Matt and my family. I wanted my family to accept Matt, and I wanted Matt to feel important and desired by my family. It was a pattern that continued when we started having children.
Both Matt and I wanted kids and a big family. One year after marrying, we had our eldest son, then our second, then our third. We decided together that I would give up my teaching position to stay at home with the children, but this caused a huge financial strain.
Communication between Matt and I also broke down entirely during the years our family was growing, and we lost all emotional intimacy. We were both exhausted – him from working to financially provide for the family, and me from juggling raising three children close in age. Matt started to feel neglected during those years, when my whole world became our boys.
I was losing my identity, too. I no longer had my career, I wasn’t earning my own money, and I had stopped asking myself what I wanted outside of being a mum and keeping our family going.
We were both under enormous pressure, but we weren’t talking to each other about it. When we did speak to each other, it was mostly about practicalities, routines, and what jobs needed to be done. Any serious conversation we attempted occasionally would turn into an argument.
I remember he often felt the need to escape. He’d go off and do his own thing – cycling or seeing friends – and I never stopped him because I felt guilty that I wasn’t working. He needed the break, I told myself. I wanted a break, too, but felt I didn’t deserve one because I wasn’t contributing financially.
It became evident that Matt and I were also changing as people. Our values weren’t aligning as we aged, which I suppose is natural when you marry young. More than anything, I wanted to raise a family, and was prepared for what sacrifice that would entail with young children. This seemed to have changed for Matt, and he increasingly wanted more from life than just a family.
There were practical differences, too. Being near my family in London mattered enormously to me, while Matt felt we could have a much easier life financially near his family in Devon.
Our boys started noticing the tension in our relationship. The atmosphere changed when we were in the room together. Arguments between us increased. The marriage slowly declined, but any thoughts I had about divorce were buried. It would be shameful to myself and my family to divorce. And how would I raise three children as a single parent? The repercussions of divorce felt catastrophic.
I told no one how I was feeling, and I’m sure this is why it took me so long. But in 2018, I started speaking to a spiritual guide and shaman, and everything changed. I had no idea what a shaman was and certainly wasn’t looking for one; I stumbled across her while looking for a facial.
We first spoke about accepting that my marriage wasn’t what I wanted, and this was when I started to realise something had to change. She never told me to leave my marriage, but after three or four months, I woke up one morning and knew: this did not have to continue to be my life.
When I told Matt I wanted a divorce, he shook my hand – he was done, too. There was almost a sense of relief that one of us had finally said it out loud. We continued to live with each other for six months as we figured out the legal process and finances. It was incredibly painful.
We responded to the separation very differently. Matt started rebuilding his life almost immediately, going out, sometimes staying out and starting to date. His view was that we were separated, so he no longer needed to report to me. Meanwhile, I was grieving our marriage while desperately trying to keep family life as normal as possible for the boys. We even attended the occasional wedding and played happy families because hardly anyone knew we’d separated.
Our divorce was finalised a year later, in 2019, and we both moved into new properties. We tried several different arrangements like 50/50, alternate weekends, and alternate school holidays, but the boys were deeply unhappy moving between homes.
We eventually landed on an untraditional form of nesting, whereby the boys stayed at my house and Matt came to visit them every Tuesday and Thursday. We actually bought my house together so the boys could have stability, rather than both of us renting. When he came, he would cook dinner, help with homework, take the boys to clubs, and leave around their bedtime. If I went away for a weekend, he’d sometimes stay overnight with them. It wasn’t always comfortable having my ex in my home, but it gave the boys one stable base and regular time with their dad.
I remember feeling resentful of Matt. I was raising the kids on my own while he freely did whatever he wanted. Though I know the arrangement required compromise from him, too, and he would’ve liked to see them more.
Over time, I stopped carrying resentment when I accepted the part I played in the breakdown of the marriage. This led to less emotion in my responses to Matt, less defensiveness, and he changed as I changed. Those changes made way for us to find our way back to each other – as friends, this time.
Matt isn’t necessarily my bestie, but we are great friends. He comes to see the boys and we have tea together, talking about our lives – work, relationships, the kids. There’s no emotional charge when he talks about another woman. I can care about him as a person without wanting to be his partner. He’s become a bit like a brother.
I know we made the right decision to divorce. We are totally different people who want different things out of life. But I now respect him as the father of my children.
During these last seven years, I have asked myself what I want for me a lot more. I’ve ended up becoming a divorce doula, guiding people with practical and emotional support before, during, and after a marriage ends. This eventually led to me writing a book, something I could never have dreamed of.
My life didn’t end when Matt and I divorced, although it felt like it at the time; quite the opposite. Divorce forced me to figure out who I was and what I wanted for the first time in my life.
Farhana’s book, ‘She’s Not Done Yet: A Divorce Doula’s Manifest for Women Who Refuse to Stay Stuck’, is out now