When parents divide money between their children, equal can seem like the obvious definition of fair. But real families are rarely that simple.
Over the years, people have told me stories about inheritances, financial help and family decisions that have left siblings feeling grateful, guilty, overlooked or resentful. Often, nobody has behaved particularly badly. They have simply had different ideas about what fairness means.
Karen, 88, knows this only too well. Her two daughters are now in very different financial positions, Donna has been sensible with money, and moves into retirement with good investments. Sally, the youngest, lived for today, with just a small private pension and worries about how she will manage when she stops her part-time job. Over the years, Sally received considerably more financial help from their parents than her sister Donna: support through university, clothes, holidays and help when money was tight.
The products that increased in price most since 2021
Inflation has risen by a cumulative 28 per cent since the cost-of-living crisis began, but the prices of some products have risen by much more than others according to research by AJ Bell.
Food and drink
Olive oil
A combination of poor harvests and higher energy costs mean the price of olive oil has risen by 116.3 per cent.
A staple of many people’s diets, egg prices have risen by 56.7 per cent.
Now seen by many as a luxury, takeaways and fast food are up by 38.1 per cent.
Energy and household items
Motor insurance
Factors similar to those that pushed up gas prices have seen the cost of electricity surge by 40.8 per cent.
The items that have fallen in price over five years
Sound and vision equipment has experienced the sharpest fall, at 30 per cent. Decades of technological advances have seen the price of computers also decrease, by 24.6 per cent. Motorcycles also dropped in price by 5 per cent.
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How AI is threatening musicians as regulations fall behind
Musicians face being “squeezed out” and “marginalised” from their industry by AI, a study from Queen’s University Belfast has warned.
What you need to know
Dr Katherine Pittalis has examined how AI is used in music-streaming platforms, online retail for concert tickets and music-related content on social media.
She says that UK music regulations lag “woefully behind” that of the EU and US in terms of transparency around malicious actors’ use of bot technologies.
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What else does the research investigate?
Pittalis’ research investigates “metric bots” – which can inflate metrics such as likes and follows on social media – as well as “artificial musicians”, which utilise deepfake technology to create an AI “influencer”.
- These phenomena are becoming ever-more sophisticated to circumvent rules on their platforms.
A closer look at the findings
- The research found evidence of scams where consumers bought high-demand concert tickets for inflated prices, only to find they never existed.
- Bots were also occasionally found to be moderating highly unregulated “buy and sell” groups on platforms like Facebook.
- Pittalis is also looking at AI-generated music, as musicians start to use AI in their production and sometimes whole songs are created with it.
The dog food recalled after reports of pets losing sight
A premium pet food brand has recalled all of its fresh meals following reports of suspected eye problems in dogs.
Here is everything you need to know.
What has happened?
The brand Years said owners should stop feeding its fresh meals to dogs “immediately”, and told them not to feed the meals to any other animal, or to donate or sell them. The firm runs a subscription-service delivering “personalised” gourmet meals for dogs.
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What are the eye problems?
- Years said it had 192 customers report “potential, yet unverified, eye issues” out of roughly 40,000 customers.
- The condition is known as sudden bilateral dry eye. Dry eye occurs when a dog is unable to produce tears, making their eyes very sore.
- Affected dogs may rub at their eyes, squint or be sensitive to light.
- Some experts say the condition can require lifelong management.
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How has this happened?
Years said the recall followed reports of some dogs having a potential eye reaction to buckwheat, an ingredient in its meals.
- Buckwheat was reportedly added to the meals several months ago.
- Years told customers that their subscription will be paused for an initial period of six weeks while it makes fresh meals using quinoa instead of buckwheat.
What the company said
Further independent laboratory testing around the buckwheat supply is ongoing. Years has chosen to voluntarily recall the meals as a precautionary measure, without causation having yet been proven.
Years says on its website
How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA
The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?
Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.
Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?
The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Trainline and Virgin Atlantic investigated for ‘drip pricing’
Trainline, Virgin Atlantic and Red Driving school are all under investigation for “drip pricing” – where mandatory charges are added on separately from the headline price, or added later in the buying process.
A wider crackdown
The investigations come as part of a wider crackdown by the Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) over concerns that customers were not being shown the total price upfront.
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Why companies do it
“Drip pricing” leaves customers facing unexpected costs and can affect competition between businesses, as a firm can falsely present cheaper prices than a competitor to attract more customers.
If the CMA finds there has been a breaking of the law, it can force businesses to pay compensation to affected customers and fine them up to 10 per cent of their global turnover.
The firms being investigated
- Trainline is being investigated over booking fees for coach and train tickets imposed at checkout.
- Virgin Atlantic is being investigated over whether mandatory resort fees and local taxes are included in the upfront prices of their package holidays.
- Red Driving School is being investigated for how a mandatory booking fee and “digital” fee have been charged to customers booking driving lessons.
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What the companies have said
“We are taking proactive steps to enhance how certain fees are presented to our customers.”
“We are reviewing the points raised by the CMA carefully and will co-operate fully with its investigation.”
“[We] always values both transparency and consumer satisfaction in all of our interactions with our customers.”
Everything you need to know about the US midterms
On 3 November, voters from all over the United States will cast their ballots in the midterm elections, which could reshape Congress and make it harder for Donald Trump to pass policy.
Who is up for election?
All 435 seats in the House of Representatives, the lower house of Congress, and around a third of the 100 seats in the Senate (the upper house). Trump’s Republican Party currently holds a slim majority in both.
To take control of the House, the Democrats, who are favoured to win here, will need to win three seats, whereas in the Senate, it will be more difficult, with them needing to net four seats.
Why do they matter?
While Trump’s name will not be on the ballot, the midterms are viewed by many as a referendum on the US President, who will be a major influence on how many voters approach this year’s midterms.
Perhaps more importantly, if the balance of power in Congress shifts to the Democrats, Trump would become a “lame-duck” President and struggle to push through legislation.
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History does not favour Trump
The incumbent party is usually predicted to lose the midterms, with the president’s party only gaining congressional seats four times since 1902.
The trend is unlikely to change for Trump, who has become an especially divisive President with a current approval rating of -23 per cent.
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Will Trump let himself lose?
Many commentators have predicted Trump will lose the midterms, but this is not a typical President, and these elections may set off a new threat to American democracy.
- Trump’s rhetoric and actions have drawn widespread concerns about how he might seek to overrule the will of voters and challenge results he doesn’t like.
Is a September heatwave around the corner?
The UK is currently in a much-needed cooler period after the heatwaves of July and early August, but the Met Office has suggested that we could see high temperatures return going into September.
Heatwave ‘can’t be ruled out’
The Met Office has predicted there is a “chance that late-season hot spells or heatwaves develop, especially in the South” in the first 12 days of September.
Niamh Murray, an operational meteorologist at the Met Office, said a September heatwave “can’t be ruled out” but that it was too soon to say “with any real confidence” if it will happen, as temperatures will naturally drop as we head towards autumn.
A dry autumn
Despite showers expected throughout the rest of August, the Met Office’s long-range forecast indicates that autumn is likely to be drier than average.
This means there is little chance that the drought situation will be alleviated, with the Environment Agency suggesting that “weeks of above-average rainfall” will be needed.
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go deeper on this topic
What UK can learn from Europe about using water bills to fight drought
Some water companies across England are trialling tiered billing systems which leave heavy water users facing higher prices for every drop – all in a bid to protect supplies from dwindling.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.
Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.
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A champion of EV efficiency
It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400
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It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.
It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.
- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
- It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps.
- There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
- Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds.
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Donna became independent very young. “Donna was always the one who just got on with things,” Karen says. “If she needed something, she found a way of paying for it. Her sister was much more likely to come to us and say she couldn’t afford something, and of course we helped.”
Looking back, Karen estimates the difference could run into tens of thousands of pounds. “I do feel guilty about it sometimes. It wasn’t that we loved one of them more. It was just that one asked for help and one didn’t.”
Karen has consequently talked about leaving Donna, who received less during her lifetime, a larger share of her estate. But Donna doesn’t want her to. “She has said to me, ‘No, we’re in different circumstances now. Just divide it equally.'”
It leaves Karen wondering what fairness actually requires. “Part of me thinks I should make up for what happened before. But then I think, am I supposed to add up everything I’ve ever spent on each of them? Where would you even start?”
Lucy, 55, has encountered a rather different solution in her own family. She and her brother will eventually share their mother’s estate equally, including the value of her home. Yet, their financial circumstances are very different: Lucy’s brother has considerably more wealth than she does.
Her mother has not tried to compensate for that by changing the division of the house. Instead, Lucy knows that some of the possessions within it will come to her, including highly collectable vintage Ercol furniture and jewellery that she particularly values. Her brother is perfectly happy with this; the furniture and jewellery aren’t to his taste.
“The house will still be divided equally between us,” she says. For Lucy, that feels fairer than trying to put a precise monetary value on the difference between their circumstances. “I don’t think everything has to be worked out to the last pound. Some things have a value because you love them or because they’ve always been part of the family.”
It is a reminder that an inheritance is not simply a sum of money. Furniture, jewellery, pictures and other possessions can carry memories and emotional value that bear little relationship to what they would fetch at auction.
And then there is care. I have heard plenty of stories from the child who stayed nearby. They are the one taking Mum or Dad to hospital, sorting out prescriptions, doing the shopping, responding to emergencies and giving up weekends while a brother or sister lives hundreds of miles away.
Jayne, 73, described the resentment she felt when, after years of being the person her father relied upon, the estate was divided equally. “I know my brother was his child just as much as I was,” she told me, “but I was the one who was there. I gave years of my life to looking after Dad. My brother could come down for a visit and then go home again. When everything was divided exactly in half, I remember thinking: did none of what I did count?”
For the sibling living further away, there may be an entirely different story. Work, geography, children and other responsibilities can all make caring difficult. But after years of unequal responsibility, an equal inheritance does not necessarily feel equal.
Patrick, 69, faced a different version of that dilemma. He was one of six children in a large Irish family. His mother had wanted him, as the eldest son, to inherit her house. “I didn’t think that was right,” he says. “My sister was living there with Mum and she didn’t have a house of her own. I had somewhere to live. The others did too. She needed it.” His view was that his sister should have the house. “For me it wasn’t about dividing everything into six equal pieces. What would have been the point if that meant she lost her home?” His sister subsequently kept the house, with token payments to her siblings.
I encountered another version of this dilemma in my own family many years ago. When my grandmother died, she did not want her relatively modest amount of money to go to her children. She believed it should skip a generation and go directly to her grandchildren, and only to the eldest grandchild in each family. That meant me and my cousin. Our younger sisters would receive nothing.
The amount involved was not life-changing, around £5,000, but my mother did not think that was fair. “You’re sharing it with your sister,” I was told. So, I did.
I’ve sometimes thought about it since, because every generation involved had a different definition of fairness. My grandmother believed her money should bypass her own children and benefit the next generation, and that the eldest grandchildren should receive it. My mother believed sisters should be treated equally. And I accepted her view.
Today, the question of skipping a generation has become particularly interesting because the financial circumstances of parents, children and grandchildren can be so different.
Margaret, 81, has been considering giving some of her money directly to her grandchildren rather than leaving everything to her adult children. Her children are approaching retirement. They own their homes and have pensions. Her grandchildren are in their twenties, paying high rents and struggling to imagine how they will ever save enough for a deposit.
“I keep thinking, what’s the point of them getting this money when they’re old?” Margaret says. “They need it now. If I can give them enough to help them towards a deposit, it could change their lives.”
To Margaret, the logic is compelling. “My children aren’t rich, but they’ve got houses. They’ve got pensions. They’ve had the chance to build something up. It’s so much harder for the grandchildren.” Her children are less convinced. “They don’t particularly like the idea of being skipped,” she admits. “They’ve worked all their lives, too, and I think they’d quite like some extra money to enjoy their retirement.”
That leaves Margaret caught between two generations, both of whom could make perfectly reasonable claims. “I don’t want anyone thinking I love them less because I’ve given somebody else more. But I also don’t see why I should wait until I’m dead to help the people who need it now.”
Perhaps that is why inheritance becomes so emotionally loaded. It is rarely just about the money. A difference of £10,000 can be interpreted as evidence of who was loved more, who did more, who mattered more or who a parent believed deserved more.
The moment parents begin taking differences into account, equality disappears. But that does not necessarily make the decision unfair. Perhaps the more useful question isn’t whether every child or grandchild receives precisely the same amount. It is whether the person making the decision has thought carefully about what they mean by fair, and whether the family understands their reasoning.
Because there can be perfectly good reasons for giving one person more than another. But if those reasons are never discussed, the people left behind may create explanations of their own. And those explanations can last much longer than the money.
Dr Denise Taylor is a chartered psychologist and author who writes about later life and exploring meaning beyond full-time work. Her latest book, ‘ThriveSpan: Walking Gently Into What Matters Now’ is out now