I was groomed by my teacher at 16. It’s ruined every relationship I’ve ever had

Why did it take you so long to speak up? It’s the question many people ask when reporting or talking about sexual abuse years after the event. Recently, the writer and actor Dame Meera Syal spoke about the assault she suffered in her twenties (she is now 65) when an older man tried to rape her. It was, she says, an experience that “completely changed my life” when she, having never officially reported it, spoke about it in an interview.

She is not looking for sympathy. When it happened, she sought solace among a group of actors, and her career has blossomed ever since; her life healed. But scars inevitably remain, and talking about, or reporting abuse, can take years, even decades. There are many reasons why – I would know.

It took me 45 years to officially report to the police a teacher in my secondary school who abused me. I was just three days past my 16th birthday when it began, and it continued for years. It was – and is – something that blighted every relationship I attempted to have thereafter. Unsuccessful. All of them.

Disabled people attend a Stop Disability Benefit Cuts rally in Parliament Square on 30th June 2025 in London, United Kingdom. The rally was organised by Disabled People Against Cuts (DPAC), the People's Assembly and Crips Against Cuts. Campaigners argue that planned cuts to public services and restrictions on social welfare contained within the UK government's Welfare Bill would have a detrimental impact on people receiving disability assistance. (photo by Mark Kerrison/In Pictures via Getty Images)

Hundreds of thousands of unemployed young people may see their benefits replaced with employment support under Government welfare reforms.

Here’s what we know.

Alan Milburn, the Government’s youth unemployment tsar, suggested many young people who are not in education, employment or training (Neets) – including those diagnosed with conditions like ADHD and anxiety – should see a shift in the state support they receive. “Work beats welfare every single time,” he said.

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Why The Netherlands is a blueprint

  • Milburn was visiting The Netherlands as part of a “fact-finding mission” as he prepares to publish his final recommendations in a landmark report about young people and work.
  • This year, the UK topped for the first time since 2013.
  • According to research from the independent think-tank The Resolution Foundation, if Britain’s Neet rate mirrored the Dutch rate, 600,000 more young adults would be in work.
  • In The Netherlands, , whereas in Britain, support is generally for unemployment and centralised via the universal credit benefits system.
Older engineer mentoring apprentice with worm gears in Engineering factory

High anxiety levels

Figures from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) rank the UK at the top of the charts for anxiety levels among younger people, but The Netherlands comes in second.

Milburn highlighted how this doesn’t lead to low participation levels, adding: “Just because you’ve got a condition, or even because you’ve got the diagnosis, shouldn’t mean that you aren’t able to work.”

A growing problem

Nearly a quarter – around 250,000 – of young people who are classed as Neets are estimated to have mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, according to Department for Work and Pensions data.

The number of young people claiming Personal Independence Payments (PIP) for mental health conditions such as anxiety and neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD has also increased.

LONDON, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 08: Chancellor of the Exchequer John Healey departs after a weekly government cabinet meeting at Downing Street on September 08, 2026 in London, England. (Photo by Leon Neal/Getty Images)

Don’t make these money moves before next month’s Budget

With next month’s Budget fast approaching, speculation over what the Chancellor might announce is rife.

But history suggests making moves before the red box is opened can leave people worse off. Here is what to avoid.

Taking tax-free cash early

  • One of the most obvious reactions to is to take the 25 per cent tax-free lump sum before the rules potentially change.
  • The Institute for Fiscal Studies proposed cutting the lump sum to £100,000 in 2024 but the change has still not been implemented.
  • Ian Cook, chartered financial planner at Quilter Cheviot, warned that taking the lump sum could undermine long-term retirement plans, and means the money loses the opportunity to remain invested.

Selling assets just in case

Another rumoured Budget policy change is that the capital gains tax (CGT) rate could increase, which can tempt investors to sell assets now and pay today’s tax rate.

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  • However, this can mean paying more tax than needed if assets are sold in bulk, as there are multiple tax-free allowances before CGT is owed.

Giving away too much

With speculation that inheritance tax (IHT) could be raised, people often use gifting to avoid it, as gifts given more than seven years before death are exempt from IHT.

However, experts warn that rushing into this can lead to people giving away more than they can afford.

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Making a hasty property move

Close-up shot of a real estate agent giving a young Asian woman the keys to her new home. Home ownerships concepts

There have been suggestions that the recently introduced mansion tax could be charged on homes worth £1.5m or more, rather than the current £2m.

Eamonn Prendergast, chartered financial planner at Palantir Financial Planning, said people should not panic and instead “ignore speculation when making a property purchase or sale decision, and act as if there was no speculation” rather than making a move they don’t really want.

Doing nothing at all

But experts warn that the biggest trap is becoming so worried about the Budget that you stop making sensible financial decisions altogether.

Close up English coins on wallet with banknotes

Jason Hollands from wealth management firm Evelyn Partners says: “For investors and savers, the sensible approach is to focus on decisions that make sense under current rules rather than trying to second-guess the contents of a future Budget.

Frequently consuming drinks at very high temperatures increases the risk of oesophageal cancer – cancer of the food pipe or gullet – UK research suggests.

Close-Up of Coffee Cup on Table Against Landscape Scenery Mountain Hill Background.

A three times higher chance

The study, from Oxford Population Health at the University of Oxford, included nearly a million people and found those who drank “very hot” drinks had about a three times higher risk of oesophageal .

Hot liquid may damage the cell lining of the food pipe as it travels down to the stomach, which could increase the risk of cancer developing, though the overall risk is low.

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How hot is too hot?

A woman pours boiling water into a white mug from a silver kettle.

The research, published in the , did not record the temperature of drinks. But the International Agency for Research on Cancer has classified drinking beverages above 65°C as “probably carcinogenic”.

Drinking six or more hot beverages a day also increases the risk, data from 977,282 middle-aged men and women in this latest study shows.

What to do

  • Letting drinks cool down before drinking or adding cold milk can negate the risk, experts agreed.
  • Researchers said the temperature at which coffee and tea is drunk in Western populations is estimated to be .
  • “More research is needed to identify the exact drink temperatures linked to increased risk,” the researchers added.

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A rare cancer

The researchers said that one or two in every 10 oesophageal cancers could be avoided if people stopped consuming hot drinks.

The cancer is rare, though, with only around 1 per cent of the UK population at risk of being diagnosed with this type of cancer.

Smoker's hand holding a burning cigarette and flicking the ash into an ashtray
  • Other factors, such as smoking, pose a comparatively bigger risk for developing oesophageal cancer.

How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps

The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.

NHS GP dR RADHA

The science

Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.

  • The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
  • This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
  • We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
  • Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.

How can we build gratitude?

Two adult brothers enjoy a warm embrace in a sunny park. They stand beside a decorative fence surrounded by lush greenery, showcasing a strong bond and happiness in the moment.

Change your words

Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it. 

Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.

Caucasian mid adult patient writing a diary while recovering in the hospital ward - stock photo

Express it

This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.

How can we build gratitude?

Notice more

Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?

Happy woman spending leisure time with friends at sunny day. Multiracial females are talking with each other. They are wearing sports clothing.
Group of Happy Asian senior women friends shopping and having lunch at restaurant on summer holiday vacation. Healthy elderly woman enjoy outdoor lifestyle meeting and eating food together.

The basics

By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.

What to do

Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality. 

  • Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
  • Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
  • Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.

Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.

Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery

Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.

The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars. 

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A champion of EV efficiency

It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.

It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.

Priced from £37,400

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It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.

The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.

The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.


With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.

It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion. 

All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.

  • While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
  • It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps. 
  • There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
  • Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds. 

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The kitchen gadgets under £25

best kitchen gadgets

Victorinox paring knife

It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.

ProCook cast iron pan

For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice. 

Tesco chopping board

Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.

The kitchen gadgets under £25

Pyrex jug

It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.

Salter scales

“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”

Microplane grater

It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match. 

Braun hand-held blender

It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce. 

Bodum cafetiere

As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.

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The kitchen gadgets under £25

Oxo peeler

What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.

Falcon pie dish

Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe. 

The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship

Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.

Happy woman walking with male partner in vineyard during sunset. Elderly couple are touring in field against sky. They are enjoying during weekend.

Golden rules for happy relationships

Start with your own behaviours

The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.

Side view of affectionate happy couple sitting in the cozy cafe. - stock photo
Happy young couple spending quality time together at home

Express your needs

People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.

Golden rules for happy relationships

Unhappy married couple facing away from each other in a quiet home, concept of emotional distance, loneliness in relationship and family problems - stock photo

The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule

If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.

Lean on community

You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong. 

Happy couples talking while walking embraced during spring day in a meadow.
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Stop blaming childhood

Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.

Financial problems. Worried middle-aged woman holding utility bills, managing monthly household budget, sitting on bed feeling anxious. Cost of living concept

Reach for a
secure script

When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one. 

If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’

Loneliness elsewhere

When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.

Frustrated lonely shy guy sitting apart of others teenagers - stock photo

What to do

  • Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
  • You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle. 
  • Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
  • Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.

Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…

Foods that leave you hungrier

A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice

More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.

Woman eating colored breakfast cereal in front of laptop, workplace breakfast, quick healthy breakfast in office in the morning.

Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.

Foods that leave you hungrier

Gail's croissant Image taken from https://gails.com/collections/breakfast/products/croissant

These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.

Toast and jam

Toasted bread and white background
FILE PHOTO: Pufferfish sushi line is seen on a display window at a market in Shimonoseki, Japan February 7, 2020. Picture taken on February 7, 2020. REUTERS/Sakura Murakami/File Photo

Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.

Foods that leave you hungrier

Sarawak laksa is one of many varieties of this noodle soup (Photo: Tham Kee Chuan/Getty)

Vegetable soup

On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.

Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.

WASHINGTON, DC - AUGUST 12: Chocolate Milkshake Smoothies photographed for Food in Washington, DC on August 12, 2024 (Photo by Scott Suchman for The Washington Post via Getty Images; food styling by Lisa Cherkasky for The Washington Post via Getty Images)

Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.

Foods that leave you hungrier

London, convenience store, snacks and sweets. (Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Education Images/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

Snack bars

They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.

Low-fat yoghurt

A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.

Which yoghurts are the best options? (Unsplash)
BANGKOK, THAILAND - OCTOBER 17: A "KT Herbalist", a Kratom cocktail made from Kratom, coffee and siamese herbs is seen at Teens of Thailand, a bar in Bangkok's Chinatown on October 17, 2021 in Bangkok, Thailand. In April 2021, the start of Thailand's third and most deadly wave of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Thai government banned the sale of alcohol in restaurants and bars, crippling the already suffering food and beverage industry. With a lack of government aid and support, some bars have shuttered their doors in hopes of reopening post-lockdown, while others shuttered their doors for good. But six months into Thailand's most recent lockdown, Niks Anuman-Rajadhon, owner of Teens of Thailand, a gin bar located in a renovated shophouse in Bangkok's Chinatown, decided that instead of waiting for the government to allow the sale of alcohol again, they would take advantage of Thailand's recent legalization of Kratom. Kratom is a locally grown herbal drug with mild opioid and stimulant effects and was reclassified from a type-5 narcotic to a legal-to-grow herb in August 2021. While Thailand prepares for a tentative reopening on November 1st, the alcohol ban and curfew are set to continue, leaving business owners questioning if the country can revive its suffering tourism industry. (Photo by Lauren DeCicca/Getty Images)

On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.

What to eat instead

Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.

  • Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
  • Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
  • Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
  • Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.

I broke my silence after the story of Clive Hally was reported in 2019. Hally was a teacher at the school I attended and where I was groomed – he committed suicide on the day he was due to answer police bail regarding his sexual abuse of male pupils.

I saw red. This was not the only teacher-pupil “relationship” at that school. All of us students knew, for example, that one teacher had relationships with students he was helping to get into Oxbridge. He succeeded with two of them (that I know of).

I recall that teacher once saying to me that he “blamed” the girls for being too tantalising and irresistible in their short skirts.

My best friend was preyed upon by a head of department and until the day she died of cancer, only in her fifties, was convinced the stress and decades of trauma were contributory to her illness. When I last saw her in the hospital bed where she died, we each went over it all again, as we did every time we talked.

A number of teachers knew about their colleagues. An investigation by Bridgend council into Clive Hally found staff had “expressed concerns” informally about his behaviour. The school’s senior management team did not elevate these concerns to the council’s child protection officers.

Could I have told my parents? That was a no-go. When I was 13, I’d returned from Baptist summer camp and told them about a very uncomfortable experience I had endured with Jimmy Savile. I was sent to my room for being “nasty about that nice man off the TV”.

I kept it all in a box, and no amount of therapy, counselling or writing about it over decades helped alleviate the pain. Abuse infantilises you: you are forever trapped in its fearful grasp. Like Dame Meera, it was work that enabled me to keep it in that box. But I remained Forever Sixteen – until I saw the newspaper story about Clive Hally, where South Wales Police had issued a statement with a helpline for victims of abuse. I contacted them, and when two officers (one male, one female) came to visit me, I poured out my story.

I subsequently did a much longer interview at a local police station and it was the toughest three hours I have ever spent. Not because the officers were unsympathetic – they were incredibly supportive – but because, in the matter of fact way I had to describe events, they sounded implausible. How could I have fallen for this? Why did I allow it to happen? In describing very specific sexual acts that I was required to perform and that were performed upon me as a , I felt relieved at finally realising the severity of what had happened. What had taken me so long?

Yes, don’t think the main question detractors ask is not one I did not ask myself and still do. But abuse knows no time scale. The greatest relief was for my being taken seriously. Being heard. And that’s why it takes victims of abuse so long to come forward, to speak out: fear of not being listened to, of not being heard. That day I was. I felt I had finally moved past my 16th birthday.

The teacher was taken in for questioning and admitted the “relationship” happened, but said it was consensual. Yes, it was. But can a child consent when a teacher’s hands are up her skirt and into her pants under the desk? Can a child consent when he/she is in an inferior position of power?

He was taken for an interview at his local station where, ironically, the legal representative brought in to work with him turned out to be my very first boyfriend, from the time when the abuse began in 1974. Halfway through the interview, he realised it was me the anonymous report was referring to and had to recuse himself. Heck of a way to find out, 45 years on, why your girlfriend finished with you.

The case might have gone to court, but for various reasons I decided not to go ahead – not least, because the law was very different in 1974, and teacher/pupil “relationships” were not illegal.

But also, I had moved on in many ways. Like Dame Meera’s, my experience was life-changing, but it’s never too late to open that box and let it all out; never too late to speak out about abuse or report it. Time is irrelevant, because what you need more than anything else is to be heard.

And sometimes, it takes decades for people to listen.

In 2021, in the wake of the Clive Hally investigation, the school acknowledged “the bravery of the former pupils who came forward”, offered a full and unreserved apology to all those affected, and said it had resolved to do all it could to prevent this from happening.

Original source I was groomed by my teacher at 16. It’s ruined every relationship I’ve ever had

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