It is half way through the summer holidays, and I’m wishing I was back at school. I’m not a soppy nerd (well… not really) – I’m autistic, and I can’t deal with long amounts of uncharted time.
Holidays have always been very stressful for my family. I begin to feel the acute overwhelm in April, when my we start planning out our holiday schedule. It is genuinely terrifying to me. There’s nothing more stressful than my parents starting a sentence with: “So, we should really start talking about summer…” I usually block my ears, indignant and precocious.
The way my brain visualises time, as I’ve come to understand it while growing up, is not normal. I cannot understand how near or far things are in the future; I have no mental depth perception. This can really make me feel lost and blind in the world, like a mole in the summer sun. I can’t plan, and the idea of committing to the few plans I make is so scary.
Last year, in the May half term, I was boarding a long flight to Cape Verde with my family. Suddenly, just metres from the plane, I flipped. I probably argued with my parents about something small — so small I can’t recollect it. I ran away, dragging my wheelie suitcase, screaming at other holidaymakers around me.
How much parents could save from new school uniform rules
A new law coming into force in September means parents in England will save money by having to buy fewer branded items of school uniform.
What does the new law mean?
From September, uniforms will be limited to three items with a school logo, like a blazer, jumper or sportswear – plus a tie for secondary schools.
The government says the changes will save some families “up to £50 per child”.
How will the law be enforced?
Who is affected?
Around 23 per cent of secondary schools will have to change their uniform lists by September.
How will it be enforced?
The education secretary has legal powers to direct schools to comply.
The rest of the UK
Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland do not have a cap on uniform items, but are encoureged to keep uniforms costs minimal.
How England could eliminate hepatitis C
England is “on the cusp” of becoming one of the first countries in the world to eliminate hepatitis C, health officials have said.
What have the health officials said?
Global health leaders have set out plans to eliminate viral hepatitis by 2030.
NHS England said the nation is one of a handful of countries globally to have already exceeded the World Health Organisation benchmark of treating 80 per cent of all known cases.
It said that deaths from the virus have reduced by 36 per cent in the last 10 years.
What is hepatitis?
- Hepatitis C is spread through contact with blood infected with the virus.
- Many people have no symptoms but if it is not treated it can cause serious, and potentially life-threatening, liver damage.
- A treatment course of antiviral drugs for eight to 12 weeks cures more than 95 per cent of cases.
- NHS England said that since 2015, more than 100,000 people have been diagnosed and treated for hepatitis C.
The expert view
With C curable in more than nine out of 10 cases, we are committed to finding and treating everyone who needs support and would urge those at greater risk to come forward by ordering a free and confidential home-testing kit online.
Professor Frankie Swords, NHS national medical director
Why August is the worst month for drink driving
August is the worst month of the year for drink-drive crashes as summer events create “more opportunities” to get behind the wheel after consuming alcohol, according to new research.
What does the research show?
RAC analysis found an average of 721 people were injured or killed in drink-drive crashes in August between 2014 and 2024.
Before July, there was an average 704 casualties over the 11-year period.
December, which is often associated with drink driving, had an average of 663 casualties.
The expert view
Drink- is often seen more of a Christmas issue, but our shows collisions involving drivers who have consumed illegal levels of alcohol are actually far more common during the summer.
RAC head of policy Simon Williams
Williams added that warmer weather, longer evenings and “festivals and barbecues” create “opportunities and temptation” for people to drink and then get behind the wheel.
5 min read
2 min read
Burnham to scrap Blair-era rule in ‘crackdown’ on new betting and vape shops
Andy Burnham has pledged to give councils more powers to block new bookmakers and vape shops in a bid to save Britain’s “hollowed-out high streets”.
The PM intends to scrap the “aim to permit” rule, which limits the ability of local authorities to prevent betting shops and 24-hour slot machine venues opening in their area.
Shake-up expected start of next year
- Planning permission will also be required for outlets selling e-cigarettes as part of efforts to give communities a greater say under the proposals.
- The formal definition of a vape shop will be tightened to stop businesses side-stepping the new rules by claiming to be a “convenience store or a retailer”.
- Adult gaming centres offering up to 24 hours of access will also require planning permission under the shake-up.
4 min read
What are closure orders?
Under proposals first announced by Sir Keir Starmer’s government, police will also be able to shut down “dodgy” barbers, vape shops and nail salons for up to a year.
The maximum length of so-called “closure orders” will be extended from six months to 12, to give officers more time to investigate premises linked to organised crime.
2 min read
3 min read
Crackdown on ‘garish’ signs
- Officials said the Government would also set clearer expectations for the design of shop fronts, to pre-empt complaints about “garish neon signs”.
- It will publish “practical guidance” for councils on how to make town centres more attractive, they said.
The “aim to permit” policy was introduced when Sir Tony Blair’s Labour government, in which Burnham was a minister, liberalised gambling laws in 2005.
Are you having as much sex as everyone else?
It’s natural for libido to wax and wane due to life events, dating status or hormonal changes.
And it can be hard to say what a “normal” sexual frequency is. But research and case studies give us a rough idea.
The statistics
When it happens
61%
A 2023 survey concluded that almost two thirds (61 per cent) of us wait until night-time to have sex.
Only 14 per cent opt to get busy in the early evening, and 10 per cent in the morning.
Research from 2019 suggests that the average number of times British live-in or married couples have sex per month is three.
Are Gen Z having less sex than older people?
I see my partner on the weekends and have sex with others in the week.
Leanne, a 27-year-old influencer from Bristol has sex three or four times a week, but only sees her long-distance partner on the weekends. They have agreed they can both sleep with other people during the week.
35-year-old Rebecca usually sleeps with her partner once or twice per week due to not having much child-free time.
Clare, 32, says her job is busy and she has to schedule sex with her partner on weekends, or some afternoons twice a month. “Occasionally this slips and I do worry that it makes us not as connected,” she says.
I haven’t had the issue of my sex life drying up with menopause. I’m more aroused now.
I’ve been married for 15 years. I love my husband, but our sex life is non-existent, and has been for about five years.
I’m not really motivated to seek out partners; I vaguely like the idea of it but not enough to take any action.
I’ve been married for 20 years and sex has become something of a rarity. We maybe have sex once a week on a Sunday morning as we’re both relaxed and I can take Viagra late on Saturday night – without it, I can’t perform.
JACK, 63, OFFICE WORKER, KENT
The seven rules that could save your marriage
Keep your sense of self
I did what I thought I was supposed to do and forgot my needs and wants. I think it’s really important that you’re an individual and not just a person who is married.
KATIE STRATFORD*, A 55-YEAR-OLD MUM OF TWO, WHO DIVORCED ATER 19 YEARS
Seven rules to save your marriage
The small things
Small things, like being brought a cup of tea or saying thank you, make a big difference.
Karen Deulofeu, who ended her six-year marriage, believes all couples should seek support, even before they think they need it.
Listen properly by repeating what you have heard and ask if you’ve got that right.
Don’t lose communication
People don’t talk about the deep issues; nobody else is going to do it for you. You don’t want to ask questions because it might rock the boat…you have to keep talking, and talk about what it is that you want within the relationship to keep going forward.
KATIE STRATFORD
Seven rules to save your marriage
Remember that things change
“What you see on social media and what friends say is quite often the nice version. Everything is a phase,” says Deulofeu.
Look at yourself first
“Focus on what’s in your control and what you can do differently, rather than the other person or a situation that you can’t control. Invest in understanding yourself,” she adds.
There are things that all mid-life men should know about keeping their hearts healthy.
From eating more purple fruit to avoiding large bowls of pasta, consultant cardiologist Dr Zoe Astroulakis [below] shares her simple lifestyle habits she wishes her patients would take on board.
Positive changes to make
Swap ‘bad’ fats for healthy ones
You don’t need to eat a fat-free diet; the key is to reduce your saturated fat. Reduce your dairy and swap your red meat for lean meat such as chicken and oily fish.
Control your portions
You don’t need more carbohydrates in a meal than you can fit in your hand. Enormous plates of pasta can cause blood sugar spikes, which can lead to health problems.
Positive changes to make
Look for purple
Blueberries, black grapes and aubergines are great for boosting “good” cholesterol.
Have oats
Porridge is one of the healthiest breakfast options because it’s full of soluble fibre.
Stop taking cocaine
It can provoke a massive heart attack, even in younger people who don’t have existing artery problems.
Stay below the alcohol limit
- The NHS guidelines of 14 units per week is still more than 1,000 additional calories.
- The safest level to aim for is zero.
- If you’re drinking, make sure you have some alcohol-free days each week and space it out.
5 min read
Positive changes to make
Do cardio too
Don’t only focus on lifting weights. It might make you look toned, but it says nothing about the health of your heart.
Check your levels
You can get free blood pressure checks in many pharmacies or you can buy a monitor for around £30 to use at home.
Avoid night shifts
It disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm and can lead to increased cholesterol.
A sign to look out for
A beer belly is a sign you need to make urgent changes
It’s usually a sign you’re drinking too much. By the time your belly starts to bulge, it’s a sign that you’re consuming excess calories and storing too much fat internally.
3 min read
Want a new career but worried it’s too late?
Mid-life is not too late to start again, says experienced recruiter Elizabeth Willetts [below].
Here, Willetts shares the best jobs to switch to during midlife if you want a change – without sacrificing pay.
Changing careers in your fifties
Mid-life career pivots can lead to higher earnings.
7.4%
According to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, workers aged 45 to 54 who voluntarily pivot jobs see an average wage growth of 7.4 per cent.
3.5%
And those aged 55 to 64 still see a 3.5 per
cent increase.
The AARP Global Employee Survey also found that over half of workers who changed jobs voluntarily experienced improvements in work flexibility and mental health.
So what job options are there?
Virtual assistant
As a virtual assistant your workload will be very varied and it could be anything from tidying inboxes, booking travel, sending invoices or updating spreadsheets.
You can start out earning around £20 to £35 an hour, but it can scale into agency work, launch support or even project management. Some earn very well.
What it involves
You will source, screen and interview candidates to match them with the right job roles.
Who it’s for
You don’t need any qualifications but it’s suited to communicators and commercially-minded people.
The pay
The salary van vary from £25 to £50k, but you can earn around £100k depending on commission.
Jobs to switch to in your fifties
Estate agent
It offers flexible hours and weekend staff can earn £15 per hour.
This form of coaching for businesses could earn around £250 to £1,000 per day.
In the lower end, a sales rep can make £30k and on the higher end £50-60k, plus commission.
Why coaching is a good option
Coaching is incredibly varied and can be anything from career coaching, to confidence and leadership coaching.
- As it is an unregulated industry, you don’t need qualifications but the more reputable option is the International Coaching Federation.
- It’s a great career option for older people because clients genuinely value your wealth of life experience.
- It’s flexible, scalable, and you can start doing it part-time alongside another role.
- It could make you anything from £200 an hour, all the way up to £500 p/h+.
This can be across HR, operations, marketing, finance, people strategy or project management, as it’s varied.
Price on value, not hours – if your advice saves a client £200k, charging £150 an hour undersells what you’re worth.
I was scared at the lack of control of being in a plane, and hoping the pilot won’t fall asleep. Having to give up autonomy is always hard and in a new environment it is even harder. Eventually, I had to be physically dragged onto the plane by my parents while other jolly families stood trying to shield their children from the mad girl.
I frequently try to imagine how awful this must be for my family. “I can never look forward to things,” my nine-year-old brother mumbled that morning.
After that trip, my parents decided that we just could not go on a plane anymore. I’d always loved travelling. My parents adore it; it’s practically the foundation of their relationship. And I’d collapsed it.
Trains are also hard — a few months ago, my family were going to Brighton to meet family friends and I was so excited. But when we reached the stop before ours, a similar thing happened as it did boarding the plane. “I feel trapped. You’ve trapped me here. I need to go home.” My dad disembarked with me and we went to find a return train home.
As luck would have it, while waiting and grabbing a coffee, we bumped into our friends. This meant I managed to stay, and have a great time. But the day and journey were still sullied.
For all of these reasons, my family isn’t doing much at all this summer. We have just come back from Scotland, where we visited my grandma, and earlier this month we went to Latitude Festival. Although the latter took a long time for my dad to agree to, as last time (two years ago) I stormed off twice.
My parents had no idea where I was, and my phone had no connection. I was lost and sensory-overloaded. It was a nightmare for everyone in my path. I sat alone in the sweaty, tiny tent for most of the day. Every concert was so overwhelming; there were just so many people screaming and moving.
I wish I could say that this year’s Latitude was a smooth weekend – that would be a cinematic end to a fairly miserable collection of anecdotes. But the trip was a painful flashback.
In the car, I froze and cried and demanded that we go home. We parked outside a random house half an hour from the festival site while my parents shouted, my little brother cried, and strangers stared at us. We eventually managed to get back on the road. During the weekend there were more arguments but we did have some moments of fun and peace. I had a lot of time sitting in grassy gazebos drinking overpriced iced lattes.
You might reasonably ask: if I find these things hard, shouldn’t I, well, just not go on holiday? Or not agree to go to a festival? But I’m not ready to give up living a somewhat “normal” life.
I know I am supposed to enjoy these things. Many people do, in fact; most of my friends do. Even though, like many autistic people, I can for the most part mask discomfort, and even though I find doing new things challenging, doing nothing is so much worse. (Another hefty kick in the teeth is my contrariness).
I have also learnt about some specific accommodations that work for me. Here are some specific things you could either find useful for yourself, or use to support somebody in your life.
First of all, I need to have flexibility. This involves ever-changing plans. For instance, recently we packed up our car to go to Wales. But then I went back to my old trick of refusing to go. After a while, I managed a gentle debate, and we decided, as a family, to drive up the next day instead. This gave me more control and flexibility.
Also remember to allow yourself some quiet time. When I went on holiday with my family in Zanzibar, I immediately felt overwhelmed and exhausted, so I ended up missing a lot of planned activities and instead watched Mean Girls in the hotel room.
It really helps me to have consistency. When I was in Italy four years ago, I just wanted to eat bread and butter, my comfort food from home. At the time, nobody understood why I didn’t want gorgeous sourdough pizza or creamy pasta.
I have learnt that many people see the word “neurodivergent” as some sort of faux-intellectual synonym for lazy. But, travelling over the years, I have had to be anything but lazy. Travel involves a lot of unknown, unexpected scenarios — and for somebody like me, that’s hard. And unfortunately, if something’s hard for me, it’s hard for my poor family too. Admitting that you’re struggling is not a comfortable conversation but I can still travel, just differently.
‘We’re determined to not give up on holidays – it’s too grim an idea’: Laila’s father, Sarfraz
I used to love travelling. One of the things that first attracted me to my wife Bridget was discovering, on first meeting her, that we shared a passion for seeing the world. Just six months after we met, we spent six weeks exploring India.
I knew that having children would change the way we travelled but we had no idea it would so fundamentally alter my entire relationship to holidays. These days even the prospect of leaving the house with the family fills me with deep anxiety because I can never be sure the trip will happen.
I’ve lost count of the number of times when we have packed the car for a trip and just at the moment when we are about to leave, Laila’s anxiety has spiked meaning we have had to unload the car and stay home – or wait for her to feel more calm. If we do manage to get in the car there is a strong chance that just as we are arriving, Laila will suddenly demand that we stop, turn around and go home.
This can happen even on a motorway and being trapped in a moving vehicle with an increasingly agitated teenage girl is not much fun. Car journeys do offer some control – we can leave later than planned or not at all – but that is not possible with airlines, which is why I am so nervous about any holiday that involves flying.
It is hard to ever look forward to any trip and that is deeply sad. It is sad for Bridget and I, it is sad for our nine-year-old son Ezra who is all too experienced with having his holiday subject to last minute changes and it is also deeply sad for Laila.
I do, thanks to work, get to travel without my family and Bridget will occasionally go away just with Ezra. But despite the challenges, we are determined not to do the easy thing and stay at home.
That is partly because the prospect of a future without any travelling feels profoundly grim. It is also because with every passing year and trip Laila is learning to manage her anxieties- so our experience this year cannot necessarily predict what might happen next year. We also know how much Laila does not want autism to shrink her life and, as our photographs show, for all the challenges we have had some lovely times too.
Laila has written about how hard it was getting to Latitude but she didn’t mention the two of us enjoying Billy Ocean, joyfully singing along to . Every trip we have taken in recent years has been studded with tears and drama but also sprinkled with sparkling memories – and in the end that is why we keep getting in the car, hopping on the train and, hopefully one day soon, boarding a plane.