Divorce, once rare and stigmatised, has become mainstream – 42 per cent of marriages now end this way, meaning nearly half of us who get married can expect to experience it in our lifetime. Just as every marriage is different, so is every divorce. In this column, divorcees reflect on their life-changing experience. Helped by the benefit of hindsight, they share advice and reflections.
Lindsey Hayes, 44, was unable to afford the family home without having her ex-husband’s name on the mortgage. Here she reflects on the trap of renting, and why it’s increasingly common for midlife women.
On paper, I rent as a consequence of being divorced. My situation is not unique: mid-life women are far more likely to move into social housing long-term after divorce, while men are more likely to return to homeownership. A report from Legal & General found that, after a marriage ends, women’s household incomes plummet by 50 per cent on average, compared to a 30 per cent drop for men, while 24 per cent of women report struggling financially after their split, versus 16 per cent of men.
Seven years ago my marriage ended and although my ex wanted to sell the house from under me, after a long and expensive battle, I managed to buy our family home. Not buy him out. Buy the house from him. Buying him out wasn’t an option as I was never included on the mortgage or the deeds, meaning that it was never really “our” house.
The new military squadron to protect UK satellites
The UK is launching a new military unit tasked with defending satellites, protecting vital services on Earth and potentially supporting offensive operations.
Protecting everyday services
The new No III Space Effects Squadron will protect satellites used to detect incoming missile threats, maintain communications and help navigate ships, the Ministry of Defence (MoD) said.
- The unit will bring together specialists from across the Armed Forces to respond to hostile activity in space and safeguard satellites that are relied on for everyday services.
How will it combat adversaries?
The MoD said the new unit would combat threats in space using advanced technology, including electronic warfare, “to disrupt, degrade and deny hostile actions”.
It is intended to support offensive and defensive space operations and will grow over time as new capabilities enter service.
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The context
The scheme is announced as other nations continue to build up their military capabilities in space.
- The UK Space Command warned last year that Russia was attempting to jam UK military satellites regularly.
- Earlier this month, the US said that it had deployed weapons in space for the first time.
- Responding to the US announcement, the Chinese foreign ministry said Washington was “preparing for war in outer space”, and cautioned against turning space “into a battlefield, as well as an arms race there”.
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How middle-aged men are turning to weight-loss drugs
Slimming jabs have so far been used by overwhelmingly more women than men. However, according to sales figures from online pharmacy Phlo Clinic, men are now using the drugs in growing numbers as they are available in tablet form.
The stats behind the change
- Before the Wegovy pills were introduced, 23 per cent of customers were men. Now. it is 34 per cent.
- The average age of men previously buying the injection was 51. Now, due to the pills, it’s 56.
- A study of over 5,000 people by University College London in 2025 found that over twice as many women were using weight-loss jabs compared to men.
- The same study also found that middle-aged people were most likely to use the jabs.
Why are men less likely to use weight-loss medication?
Phlo chief pharmacist Alistair Murray said: “There’s persistent stigma around men asking for help with their health, and an injection can feel like one more reason to put it off. A tablet is a lot easier, it fits into daily life, and so it doesn’t feel like such a leap.”
- Dr Ehtasham Ahmad, a diabetes and obesity specialist at the University Hospitals of Leicester, also pointed out that women have traditionally faced more societal pressure to stay slim.
The drugs that could slow Alzheimer’s – and when they could come to NHS
Two Alzheimer’s drugs with new mechanisms could be used in the NHS within the next five years, experts said at a conference last week.
How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA
The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?
Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.
Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?
The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.
Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.
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A champion of EV efficiency
It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400
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It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.
It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.
- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
- It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps.
- There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
- Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds.
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The kitchen gadgets under £25
Victorinox paring knife
It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.
ProCook cast iron pan
For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice.
Tesco chopping board
Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Pyrex jug
It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.
Salter scales
“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”
Microplane grater
It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match.
Braun hand-held blender
It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce.
Bodum cafetiere
As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.
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The kitchen gadgets under £25
Oxo peeler
What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.
Falcon pie dish
Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe.
The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.
Golden rules for happy relationships
Start with your own behaviours
The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.
Express your needs
People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.
Golden rules for happy relationships
The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule
If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.
Lean on community
You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong.
Stop blaming childhood
Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.
Reach for a
secure script
When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one.
If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’
Loneliness elsewhere
When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.
What to do
- Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
- You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle.
- Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
- Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.
Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…
Foods that leave you hungrier
A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice
More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.
Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.
Foods that leave you hungrier
These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.
Toast and jam
Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.
Foods that leave you hungrier
Vegetable soup
On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.
Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.
Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.
Foods that leave you hungrier
Snack bars
They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.
Low-fat yoghurt
A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.
On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.
What to eat instead
Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.
- Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
- Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
- Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
- Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.
How to age well
without pain
Will Harlow, a physiotherapist
for the over-50s and author of Independence for Life, shares
the key signs you’re ageing
badly – and what to do about it.
How to know
Ageing well is maintaining the ability to do what you want you want for as long as you want without needing help. Everyone is talking about longevity but what’s the point in living longer if the last decade is painful and you’re [totally] reliant on people?”
The signs to look out for
- The most obvious early warning sign of bad ageing is pain says Harlow.
- Another is losing confidence in doing daily tasks, which can quickly lead to a lack of independence.
- One call Harlow often receives is people calling after having a fall and struggling to get up.
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How to age without pain
Not just stopping
When people retire, they often put their feet up and stop. Your body really is use it or lose it.
Throughout our entire lives, Harlow says we need between seven and nine hours of sleep.
Social isolation
The lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death by
as much as 29 per cent.
Strength training
It really is the proxy for
overall independence.
The more muscle mass you have, the less chance of heart disease, diabetes, falls and even anxiety, depression and dementia.
The brain can be linked to muscle mass too, Harlow says. It’s not just about being able to lift things. It gives you more energy, better sleep and you’ll look and feel better.
How to age without pain
Daily habits
Do short bursts of exercise, between 30 and 60 seconds, in otherwise dead time during the day.
Stretch in bed
Take joints through a full range of motion for five minutes to loosen it before getting up.
Don’t crash diet
How to age without pain
Harlow advises 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight to stop muscle loss alongside resistance training.
Don’t wait
Harlow finds that many patients put off making a change to their lifestyle until their lives are consumed by pain.
For most people, it’s about reducing the number of times per week you’re exercising, not reducing intensity.
The three ageing tests to do
- Lie completely flat on the floor and get back up to a standing position using any technique. This should take less than 10 seconds.
See how many times you can sit on the chair and stand back up again in 30 seconds. Men should be aiming for more than 14 times and women 12.
The single-leg stand, which involves standing on one leg and balancing for 10 seconds. Everyone should be able to do that and for those under 65, Harlow asks them to do it with their eyes closed.
Having moved mountains to buy the house, it soon became clear that the business I had at the time would not recover from the cost of my divorce, so in an effort to not spend my children’s younger years constantly worrying about money, I decided to sell and downsize to try and steady the ship.
The short version of that story is that at the last minute my buyer dropped their price, meaning I couldn’t afford the house I was moving to, and as interest rates were set to increase and I didn’t want to lose my buyer completely, I had little choice but to rent for a while. And here I am four years later, still renting, without much hope of that changing any time soon.
The rent cost for the place I found after selling was vastly more expensive than paying my mortgage had been, and although I begrudged paying it, I thought it would only be in the short term. It was during those wild, post-Covid days, when rentals were being snapped up before they’d even been listed. Bidding wars for rental properties were something I had never experienced when I had last rented 14 years prior. It was a brutal place to find myself, having to offer an extra £100 a month just so the landlord didn’t rent it to the next person who walked through the door.
While the “single person tax” is not an actual tax, it is the price that we, the single people, pay for living in a world designed for two people. This burden is becoming more urgent. According to new data from the Office for National Statistics, average rents increased in England by 4 per cent in the 12 months. With two incomes to absorb that, it’s not ideal, but probably does not put you at your affordability ceiling. As a single-income household, such as mine, it could and, if I’m honest, already is.
It is now much harder to absorb this ever-increasing cost of living alone. Things would be much easier if there was another income, another name on the tenancy, someone to not only split the cost with but also share the worry about it over dinner.
But there is no other person for me to navigate this with. And the longer I’ve done this alone, the more I have come to realise that there is an invisible cost to single living that never gets mentioned alongside the rent figures.
It isn’t just the rent. When there are two adults bringing in money to a household, there is the opportunity to split everything from the rent down to your Netflix subscription. With one adult earning, the same costs still need to be met but with half the money available. And in fact, when the single person is a woman, her income is potentially even less than her male counterpart, thanks to the gender pay gap.
Even where there is an allowance for being a single person, as with council tax, there is only a 25 per cent reduction, which makes no sense at all. The truth is, it is a terrifying place to be and leaves me feeling very exposed. I had an interesting conversation with a girlfriend recently. Also divorced. Also struggling financially.
Unlike me, she has met someone new and has started to consider living with them, which surprised me, as having worked so hard to find my peace and create a life that finally feels like mine, I can’t imagine wanting to disrupt that by living with someone.
But then I considered other friends who have reached this side of divorce; I have watched a lot of those friends very quickly step into new relationships and shared living arrangements. And if I’m honest, I can’t help but wonder what the real motivation behind those decisions was. Was it love or was it money?
It’s not that I think any of them are consciously choosing a partner because the maths works better with two names on a lease. But there is no denying that it does, and therefore that financial pressure does have a way of fast-forwarding the timeline for relationships.
And I say this with zero judgement, because whilst it isn’t something I want, the alternative of battling on in a world of costs designed to be borne by two incomes is indisputably hard.
The reality behind the rising rental costs is not just the financial impact; it’s the decisions one has to take in order to survive it. Moving from the area where your life is to somewhere a little more affordable. Finding someone to move in with and share those costs. Or, and this is always my own go-to solution, getting more resourceful at finding ways to earn money.