I practise “gentle parenting” but my daughter considers me in some ways the strictest parent she knows. How can that be, you might wonder. Well, I would argue both mine and my husband’s approach to parenting is true “gentle parenting” – but while being careful to explain things and not raise our voices, there are very clear rules in place.

Even before having kids, I subscribed to the fact that children are far more capable than they are sometimes allowed to display. If you explain something to them, in a way their brain can understand, then they are much more likely to feel included, in control and therefore agree to what is happening.

So, when I read about gentle parenting, I instantly knew this was the way I would achieve the life I wanted for our family.

When a small child can’t find the words for something they don’t like, they will cry and shout and have what is often referred to as a tantrum, but really it’s the only way they know how to express they don’t like something. People often commented that our children didn’t cry. But that wasn’t true – they just didn’t tantrum because we found a way to communicate with them and reach a solution for the situation they were afraid of, didn’t like or didn’t feel control over. Which offers some proof of how gentle parenting can succeed.

The most important question we asked ourselves was, “Are these boundaries and expectations realistic for a three, four, five, six or seven-year-old?” and, “Are we communicating our expectations in a way they are able to understand?” That said, the thing that was hard was the age gap between our kids. Louisa is now 13 and Charlie almost nine. We had a gap between them around the time we’d be busy with our athletic careers during the London 2012 and Rio 2016 Olympic Games – which at the time felt like an advantage.

But once Charlie was born, it meant that we had to be careful not to have the same expectations of him as we did his older sister Louisa. On the other hand, it was never enough to say, “Because you are older”. We had to always have an explanation ready as to why different standards of behaviour were expected of them – for any perceived inconsistency.

It’s often believed that gentle parenting means permissive, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Setting boundaries and expectations of their behaviour is vital. For example, when my husband, Barney, and I first had the kids, we wanted them to fit into our world, we didn’t want their arrival to spell the start of never going out for dinner, or always having to be back home for a 6pm bath time or never being able to travel far because they’d be “off schedule”.

And despite my “gentle parenting”, for my daughter Louisa, I am apparently “the strictest parent she knows” when it comes to what I allow on her phone. But I’m proud of that title and won’t be changing my approach.

Louisa has type 1 diabetes, like her Dad, and she was fed up of my constant reminders to check her blood sugar levels, so more recently she uses her smartphone as a medical device. Her phone sends notifications on blood sugar levels and she uses two apps, one for her insulin pump and the other for the continuous glucose monitor.

Apart from that, we allowed her to have her one social media account to learn how to promote her dance career. We discussed the “rules of engagement” which include not giving away your location, and being mindful of EVERYTHING in the background. We also discussed at length how we would feel if someone stole that image or video and reposted in a different context. We have a conversation about everything – but that doesn’t mean there aren’t firm boundaries.

We also expect that Louisa handles her own homework schedule and rather than monitor her, trust her to come to us if she’s overwhelmed. I can honestly say she’s never once missed a deadline. She knows she’d miss the dance or sporting activities if things weren’t up to date – that adds to my title of being strict. There are no exceptions to this rule.

The bottom line for me is that by creating a safe space for our youngsters to be involved and it not being a complete no from the get-go, we are more likely to raise resourceful and self-aware young adults who know they can return to us as their parents for help when things don’t quite go as they intended. That said, ultimately, being labelled strict is definitely a good sign. There’s a common misconception that the gentle of gentle parenting means permissive – that a child never gets told no – so I am all for disproving this.

I’m also very aware that as my kids grow older, there will be more challenges and different things to adapt to. Like any parent, we just want what is best for our children and for them to grow up happy and responsible. But I’m definitely not taking anything for granted!

This week I have been…

… is not something I ever expected to have said dominated my week, but being part of the cast means that my days are filled with the joy of learning to dance! Fast steps, slow steps, trying to nail the timing and all while remembering to portray the character for this week’s movie theme.

This week has been tough though, I never liked the part of the movie I am doing a dance to, always left the room to get a snack when it came on! So, as if learning to dance isn’t hard enough there’s an added challenge. I’m grateful for my pro partner, Julian, through all of it, he’s keeping us on track!

… mainly at myself, trying to be goofy and stupid but in time to the music. That’s how trying to learn the choreography feels. I’ve never taken myself too seriously but equally I don’t need to dance badly to prove how goofy and uncoordinated I am to music.

None of this is coming naturally to me though so I did expect to be laughing at how terrible I am. It’s so true when they say that laughing is a great medicine. I am lucky I have the best person to laugh with in the dance studio too.

… I brought my bike to London so I could cycle to and from rehearsals. It’s been the best tonic. It gets me warmed up ready for the session starting and is a great way to wind down after the long hours of practice. The great thing about cycling in London is all the cycle paths and quiet ways, the place has been transformed since the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games. 

I would never have dreamed of cycling here before, but now it is so easy. Although I retired from international competition in July, I’ll always ride my bike and it has been my saviour this week especially.

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