“About a week after my daughter moved near her in-laws, the other grandma sent me a video of my grandson playing in her flat,” says Donna. “I thought my heart would break; I wished that was me.”
Donna’s only daughter moved nearer to her mother-in-law in Glasgow when her baby was 18 months old. Donna, who lives in south London, had looked after her grandson two or three days a week for over a year, and although she had known for months that the move might be on the cards, it was still a bitter blow.
“I was absolutely dreading them going. I’ve always hated the idea that my daughter might live away from me. When she had the baby, we become much closer, and spending so much time looking after my grandson made saying goodbye incredibly difficult. I was absolutely devastated. I feel much more alone.”
Dolly Parton – a life in pictures
Dolly Parton died on Tuesday at the age of 80. Tributes from around the world have honoured the country music superstar, who passed away following a “brief battle with cancer”.
The singer was best known for her genre-defining hits including “9 To 5”, “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene”.
Born into a musical family in 1946
Dolly Rebecca Parton was born in 1946, the fourth of 12 children, into a poor farming family who lived in a one-bedroom cabin in Tennessee.
Her father, Robert Lee Parton, was a tobacco farmer. Parton spoke about her mother, Avie Lee, singing folk songs all the time, and her aunt played the guitar.
Country star’s unique style
During her teens, Parton began modelling herself on a local character known as the “town tramp”.
The lady wore bright red nail polish, low-cut tops and high heels – young Dolly thought she was beautiful.
A musical powerhouse
Despite being unable to read sheet music, Parton was proficient on several instruments including the banjo, harp, piano and saxophone. She had her first No 1 hit with the song “Joshua” in 1971.
- It was the theme song that Parton wrote for the 1980 movie 9 to 5 that fully propelled her to stardom.
A nearly 60-year marriage
Parton maintained a deeply committed, nearly 60-year marriage to Carl Dean until his death in 2025. “Carl and I spent many wonderful years together. Words can’t do justice to the love we shared,” Parton said when he died.
Dean remained out of the public eye, choosing to focus on his asphalt-paving business in Nashville. The couple had no children.
Parton’s life in pictures
How shingles jab ‘could slash heart risks’
The shingles vaccine currently used by the NHS may slash the risk of heart failure, heart disease and stroke, according to a new study.
What you need to know
Shingles is a viral infection that causes a painful rash and the jab that protects against it – Shingrix – is available on the NHS for people aged 65-70, people aged 70-79 (as part of a catch-up program) and for those over 18 with a severely weakened immune system.
Experts say that if all over-60s had the jab, it could prevent tens of thousands of deaths.
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The study
The NHS switched to Shingrix from the former vaccine, Zostavax, three years ago. Researchers from the University of Oxford compared the risk of stroke, ischemic heart disease or heart failure between the two vaccines over seven years.
- They analysed data from more than 70,000 people and found that up to seven years after the jab, people who had Shingrix lived 9 per cent longer without developing a cardiovascular disease.
more on health from the i paper
Children’s eyesight is getting worse. This is what parents can do about it
The rise in short-sightedness is not directly caused by too much screen time, but a related change in children’s behaviour. Fortunately it can be reversed.
Why nicotine vapes are still best chance to quit smoking
Smokers are more likely to quit their habit by using vapes compared to conventional methods such as nicotine gum and patches, according to a new study.
Quit rates are higher
The Cochrane Review examined 80 studies involving almost 30,000 people and found that quit rates were higher with vape use, with it leading to 61 per cent increased odds that a quit attempt would be successful after six months.
- That means that eight to 10 out of 100 people using vaping to quite smoking might succeed compared to six of 100 people using nicotine-replacement therapy.
Providing vapes can help
Researchers looked at behavioural support – offered through advice and counselling – and found that people who were also given nicotine vapes were more likely to quit.
The expert view
We have very strong evidence that regulated nicotine e-cigarettes are substantially less harmful than smoking. Based on the consistency of the findings here, it’s clear that they are a proven and viable option for people wishing to quit cigarettes
Dr Jamie Hartmann-Boyce, senior author of the review from University of Massachusetts Amherst
At least 15 newborn babies die in Islamabad hospital fire
At least 15 infants were killed when a fire broke out at a state-run hospital in Pakistan’s capital Islamabad, triggered by a fault in air conditioning systems, local broadcaster Geo TV reported.
Here is everything we know about the incident so far.
What happened?
The blaze started at around 7am local time on Wednesday at the Pakistan Institute of Medical Sciences on the third floor of the mother and child health ward.
The incident is among the deadliest hospital fires in recent years in the country, where government healthcare is subsidised but facilities are overburdened.
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The story in pictures
A closer look at the detail
- There were 16 newborns in the ward when the fire broke out, one of whom was rescued, Geo reported.
- Prime minister Shehbaz Sharif has directed authorities to conduct an immediate investigation, his office said.
- “Those responsible should be identified, and the strictest action should be taken,” Sharif’s office said.
How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA
The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?
Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.
Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?
The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.
Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.
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A champion of EV efficiency
It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400
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It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.
It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.
- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
- It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps.
- There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
- Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds.
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The kitchen gadgets under £25
Victorinox paring knife
It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.
ProCook cast iron pan
For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice.
Tesco chopping board
Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Pyrex jug
It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.
Salter scales
“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”
Microplane grater
It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match.
Braun hand-held blender
It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce.
Bodum cafetiere
As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.
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The kitchen gadgets under £25
Oxo peeler
What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.
Falcon pie dish
Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe.
The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.
Golden rules for happy relationships
Start with your own behaviours
The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.
Express your needs
People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.
Golden rules for happy relationships
The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule
If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.
Lean on community
You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong.
Stop blaming childhood
Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.
Reach for a
secure script
When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one.
If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’
Loneliness elsewhere
When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.
What to do
- Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
- You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle.
- Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
- Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.
When a son or daughter moves near their in-laws, it can trigger sadness and jealousy amongst grandparents: fears of missing key milestones like first words and first steps, and the pervading sense that you will no longer be part of the fabric of their daily lives.
Donna’s daughter now lives a 15-minute walk from her mother-in-law, who picks her grandson up from nursery, has him to stay one night a week and is always there to help – all the things that Donna used to love doing. “When my daughter had her baby, she needed me in a way she hasn’t needed me for a very long time,” she remembers, “and there is nothing like being needed by someone you love, especially when you can fulfil their need. I knew when they moved it would change my life. The other granny is just starting to take my grandson away for weekends, and I would love to do that.”
Pippa, 66, had driven to London from her home in South Wales to look after her granddaughter two days every fortnight for about a year, before her son moved to Belfast. “It was so lovely looking after her, and being wanted and needed and valued,” she says. “Those things are so important, and I really appreciated that my son and his partner trusted me to look after her.”
There is usually a whole mix of reasons why an adult child chooses to move closer to the other grandparents: it’s could be about house prices, or because the other grandparents can offer free childcare or simply because their partner is close to their parents. Pippa’s son and his partner couldn’t afford a house in London. They had originally planned to move to Wales to be near Pippa, but then the idea of living near her parents in Northern Ireland was suggested.
‘‘My strongest response has been to do with my son rather than my granddaughters. My son has always been close to his mother-in-law, and the whole family, so I had come to terms with that before they moved. Even so, my initial, automatic response was a little bit jealous, a little bit possessive,” she says. “On my last visit, his mother-in-law said, ‘I think of him as my own son.’ I’d bought a bag of cherries and she said something about them being good for his knee. I had no idea there was anything wrong with his knee, and it made me feel a bit detached. If there’s proximity between people you get that kind of daily information – it’s almost like the fabric of those relationships.”
As a psychological counsellor, Pippa is well aware of the dangers of knee-jerk emotional reactions, although she admits that for her, they still surface from time to time. “It would be so easy to think something like, ‘He’s not your son, he’s mine,’ but I know that’s where you see awful family fall-outs and dramas, when people can’t cope with those natural, automatic responses,” she says. “When attachment is threatened in some way those immediate reactions are natural. We just have to give ourselves time to think empathically, although it’s not always easy. I really don’t want to engage in anything competitive, so I quickly flipped my initial reaction into thinking that if there are lots of people in my son’s life, and my grandchildren’s lives, who love them and protect them, that’s of huge value to them.”
If an adult child lives much closer to one set of grandparents, it heightens the inequality that invariably exists. The left-behind grandparents have to plan visits in advance, and make an effort to keep up with their grandchildren’s constantly changing lives. For their part, adult children can help to keep the grandparents alive for their children, just by talking about them and sharing photos.
Donna now sees her grandson every two months or so, and she’s relieved that their bond remains just as strong. Two weeks after her daughter and her partner moved, she went to look after her grandson while they went away for four days. “By doing that, I felt I established myself, and that was fantastically important for me. But I realise it was tough for the other granny, because she was just beginning to really bond with our grandson when I stormed in. To be honest, I think she’s more competitive than I am. She used to tell me I was doing things wrong and kind of elbow me out of the way. But she did it in the nicest possible way – she’s on it as a grandparent in a way that I’m not. I don’t see her as a competitor at all because she’s so different from me.”
Pippa’s visits have to be scheduled around her work. She tries to go every three months and stays for a couple of days. There are inevitably times when the other grandparents’ closeness to the family hits home, like at Christmas, and when the new baby was born. Her son originally asked her to come when the baby was due, “but five days before I was due to leave I got a message asking me not to be there when the baby was born, partly because the other grandparents were going to be looking after our granddaughter. I remember having an initial flare-up of feeling upset and hurt. It took me a few minutes to think, ‘Come on, she’s having a baby at home, she doesn’t want all these people around’. It helps that I like the other grandparents a lot, and I really appreciate everything they do for the family. Once you get into that mindset, feelings of jealousy just evaporate.”
It’s been a year since Donna’s daughter moved but she is determined to look on the bright side. “I know my daughter doesn’t love her mother-in-law like she loves me, and I know she wishes her son could be with me more,” she says. “He certainly hasn’t forgotten me – we always have a wild time together.”
Celia Dodd’s new book, ‘Grand Expectations: The Joys and Dilemmas of Being a Grandparent’, is out now