My online affair revived my marriage – but I don’t consider it cheating on my wife

I’m having an online affair. I met this woman on a website for people looking for connection. I have no intention of ever meeting her in-person, but we message each other each day, enjoy getting to know each other and are thoughtful towards each other.

My wife and I have been together over 20 years and I love her dearly, but life has become boring and predictable. My online relationship has improved things with my wife; somehow it has bought some excitement back. My wife even said that I seem more enthusiastic lately.

We’ve never met in person and I have never – and will never – so much as kiss this woman. Am I doing anything wrong?

I’m going to be very direct because I feel like you’re in some ways asking me for permission to keep in touch with this woman and you say clearly that you love your wife, so this doesn’t seem to be an affair that is signalling a choice to end your marriage.

This emotional affair is a fantasy. It’s a projection. It’s the honeymoon period of a fantasy. You don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. You’ve not met in person which leaves room for both of you to fill in lots of blanks in the most flattering way.

Close up of a female gardener holding freshly picked strawberries in her hands.

Strawberry fields for ever as gene-edited fruit to hit UK shelves


Gene-edited strawberries and tomatoes could soon be in British supermarkets for the first time after the Government gave the green light for final approval of the foodstuffs.

The Food Standards Agency will now have the final say on whether the products – a longer-growing strawberry and tomatoes with increased vitamin D – can be offered to consumers.

What you need to know

  • Gene-edited foodstuffs have had their DNA adjusted to enhance or delete certain natural attributes such as ripening times or nutrient levels.
  • In this case, “sunshine” tomatoes have been created by the Norfolk-based John Innes Institute with as much vitamin D as two eggs. A US company has also created eight strawberry varieties that fruit for longer.
  • Crucially the technique is different from genetic modification, where material is added to an organism. With gene editing no additional DNA is introduced.

How will gene-edited fruit benefit consumers?

The Food Standards Agency now has the final say on whether the tomato and strawberry varieties can be offered to consumers after the Government approved the precision-bred plants.

Cherry tomatoes at Borough Market in London, U.K., on Wednesday, Dec. 15, 2021. U.K. inflation surged to its highest level in more than a decade in November, exceeding 5% months before the Bank of England had expected. Photographer: Hollie Adams/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Scientists say the fruits will look and taste the same as equivalent non gene-edited products. The result will be in an extended growing season for strawberries and tomatoes with the same amount of vitamin D as 28g of tuna.

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TOPSHOT - A local resident wades through water on a street in the "El Indio" settlement on the outskirts of Piura, in northern Peru, on March 23, 2017. - The El Nino climate phenomenon is causing muddy rivers to overflow along the entire Peruvian coast, isolating communities and neighbourhoods. (Photo by Ernesto BENAVIDES / AFP) (Photo by ERNESTO BENAVIDES/AFP via Getty Images)

How unprecedented El Niño could persist through to February


The head of the United Nations has warned that the world is facing a “supersized” El Niño event that has a “near 100 per cent likelihood” of lasting until February next year.

Antonio Guterres was speaking as UN experts warned the world has entered a “danger zone of extreme weather” in the coming months.

What you need to know

  • Data released by the World Meteorological Organisation shows this year’s El Niño is set to be the strongest in more than 70 years, with “big impacts on rainfall and temperature patterns”.
  • The natural climate phenomenon is already established in the Pacific and is caused when sea temperatures rise.
  • The effects of El Niño vary by region. Hot, dry weather may hit South America, south east Asia and Australia. In India, monsoon rainfall can decrease but the southern US faces a higher chance of flooding.

How will El Niño affect the UK and the rest of the world?

Guterres warned that El Niño was being “supersized before our eyes” and that the world should brace for extreme weather. He said: “The planet is in uncharted waters, and those waters are heating up.”

Urban areas are increasingly at risk from flash flooding even if they are nowhere near rivers or the sea (Photo: JUSTIN TALLIS/AFP via Getty)
TO GO WITH AFP STORY BY BLANCA MOREL A man crosses the reservoir of Las Canoas, 60 km from Managua, on his way home on July 30, 2014. About 2,500 heads of cattle have died so far in Nicaragua due to the drought caused by the El Nino phenomenon, authorities said. AFP PHOTO/DIANA ULLOA. (Photo credit should read DIANA ULLOA/AFP via Getty Images)

In Britain, the direct impact of El Niño can be harder to discern but forecasters have warned of the likelihood of a wet and stormy autumn and early winter. The Met Office has said the weather phenomenon can increase the risk of colder UK winters.

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How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps

The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.

NHS GP dR RADHA

The science

Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.

  • The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
  • This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
  • We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
  • Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.

How can we build gratitude?

Two adult brothers enjoy a warm embrace in a sunny park. They stand beside a decorative fence surrounded by lush greenery, showcasing a strong bond and happiness in the moment.

Change your words

Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it. 

Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.

Caucasian mid adult patient writing a diary while recovering in the hospital ward - stock photo

Express it

This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.

How can we build gratitude?

Notice more

Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?

Happy woman spending leisure time with friends at sunny day. Multiracial females are talking with each other. They are wearing sports clothing.
Group of Happy Asian senior women friends shopping and having lunch at restaurant on summer holiday vacation. Healthy elderly woman enjoy outdoor lifestyle meeting and eating food together.

The basics

By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.

What to do

Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality. 

  • Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
  • Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
  • Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.

Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.

Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery

Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.

The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars. 

4 min read

A champion of EV efficiency

It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.

It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.

Priced from £37,400

2 min read

It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.

The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.

The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.


With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.

It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion. 

All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.

  • While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
  • It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps. 
  • There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
  • Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds. 

2 min read

The kitchen gadgets under £25

best kitchen gadgets

Victorinox paring knife

It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.

ProCook cast iron pan

For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice. 

Tesco chopping board

Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.

The kitchen gadgets under £25

Pyrex jug

It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.

Salter scales

“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”

Microplane grater

It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match. 

Braun hand-held blender

It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce. 

Bodum cafetiere

As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.

5 min read

The kitchen gadgets under £25

Oxo peeler

What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.

Falcon pie dish

Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe. 

The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship

Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.

Happy woman walking with male partner in vineyard during sunset. Elderly couple are touring in field against sky. They are enjoying during weekend.

Golden rules for happy relationships

Start with your own behaviours

The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.

Side view of affectionate happy couple sitting in the cozy cafe. - stock photo
Happy young couple spending quality time together at home

Express your needs

People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.

Golden rules for happy relationships

Unhappy married couple facing away from each other in a quiet home, concept of emotional distance, loneliness in relationship and family problems - stock photo

The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule

If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.

Lean on community

You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong. 

Happy couples talking while walking embraced during spring day in a meadow.
Candid shot happiness and togetherness Asian mother supporting daughter try to standing and walking first time and positive emotion - stock photo

Stop blaming childhood

Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.

Financial problems. Worried middle-aged woman holding utility bills, managing monthly household budget, sitting on bed feeling anxious. Cost of living concept

Reach for a
secure script

When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one. 

If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’

Loneliness elsewhere

When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.

Frustrated lonely shy guy sitting apart of others teenagers - stock photo

What to do

  • Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
  • You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle. 
  • Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
  • Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.

Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…

Foods that leave you hungrier

A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice

More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.

Woman eating colored breakfast cereal in front of laptop, workplace breakfast, quick healthy breakfast in office in the morning.

Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.

Foods that leave you hungrier

Gail's croissant Image taken from https://gails.com/collections/breakfast/products/croissant

These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.

Toast and jam

Toasted bread and white background
FILE PHOTO: Pufferfish sushi line is seen on a display window at a market in Shimonoseki, Japan February 7, 2020. Picture taken on February 7, 2020. REUTERS/Sakura Murakami/File Photo

Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.

Foods that leave you hungrier

Sarawak laksa is one of many varieties of this noodle soup (Photo: Tham Kee Chuan/Getty)

Vegetable soup

On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.

Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.

WASHINGTON, DC - AUGUST 12: Chocolate Milkshake Smoothies photographed for Food in Washington, DC on August 12, 2024 (Photo by Scott Suchman for The Washington Post via Getty Images; food styling by Lisa Cherkasky for The Washington Post via Getty Images)

Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.

Foods that leave you hungrier

London, convenience store, snacks and sweets. (Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Education Images/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

Snack bars

They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.

Low-fat yoghurt

A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.

Which yoghurts are the best options? (Unsplash)
BANGKOK, THAILAND - OCTOBER 17: A "KT Herbalist", a Kratom cocktail made from Kratom, coffee and siamese herbs is seen at Teens of Thailand, a bar in Bangkok's Chinatown on October 17, 2021 in Bangkok, Thailand. In April 2021, the start of Thailand's third and most deadly wave of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Thai government banned the sale of alcohol in restaurants and bars, crippling the already suffering food and beverage industry. With a lack of government aid and support, some bars have shuttered their doors in hopes of reopening post-lockdown, while others shuttered their doors for good. But six months into Thailand's most recent lockdown, Niks Anuman-Rajadhon, owner of Teens of Thailand, a gin bar located in a renovated shophouse in Bangkok's Chinatown, decided that instead of waiting for the government to allow the sale of alcohol again, they would take advantage of Thailand's recent legalization of Kratom. Kratom is a locally grown herbal drug with mild opioid and stimulant effects and was reclassified from a type-5 narcotic to a legal-to-grow herb in August 2021. While Thailand prepares for a tentative reopening on November 1st, the alcohol ban and curfew are set to continue, leaving business owners questioning if the country can revive its suffering tourism industry. (Photo by Lauren DeCicca/Getty Images)

On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.

What to eat instead

Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.

  • Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
  • Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
  • Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
  • Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.

How to age well
without pain

Will Harlow, a physiotherapist
for the over-50s and author of Independence for Life, shares
the key signs you’re ageing
badly – and what to do about it.

How to know

Ageing well is maintaining the ability to do what you want you want for as long as you want without needing help. Everyone is talking about longevity but what’s the point in living longer if the last decade is painful and you’re [totally] reliant on people?”

The signs to look out for

Senior woman on sofa feeling and suffering from back pain. - stock photo
  • The most obvious early warning sign of bad ageing is pain says Harlow. 
  • Another is losing confidence in doing daily tasks, which can quickly lead to a lack of independence.
  • One call Harlow often receives is people calling after having a fall and struggling to get up.

4 min read

How to age without pain

Not just stopping

When people retire, they often put their feet up and stop. Your body really is use it or lose it.

Throughout our entire lives, Harlow says we need between seven and nine hours of sleep.

Tired mature woman taking a nap on the sofa in the living room
Maribel Ezcurra, 77, a retired milling machine mechanic, practices tai chi with fellow seniors in a park in the Playa neighborhood of Havana, Cuba, Wednesday, April 15, 2026. (AP Photo/Ramon Espinosa)

Social isolation

The lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death by
as much as 29 per cent.

Strength training

It really is the proxy for
overall independence.

The more muscle mass you have, the less chance of heart disease, diabetes, falls and even anxiety, depression and dementia. 

This is a photo of a senior man helping his wife lift weights. See PA Feature HEALTH Physio. WARNING: This picture must only be used to accompany PA feature HEALTH Physio. PA Photo.Picture credit should read: Alamy/PA. NOTE TO EDITORS: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature HEALTH Physio.

The brain can be linked to muscle mass too, Harlow says. It’s not just about being able to lift things. It gives you more energy, better sleep and you’ll look and feel better.

How to age without pain

Daily habits

Do short bursts of exercise, between 30 and 60 seconds, in otherwise dead time during the day.

Elderly woman exercising in a public park
A mature man rouses in the early morning light, stretching as he wakes.

Stretch in bed

Take joints through a full range of motion for five minutes to loosen it before getting up.

Don’t crash diet

A woman adds up food calorie counts in her kitchen

How to age without pain

Protein shake and chocolate protein powder in a scoop, Sports nutrition.

Harlow advises 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight to stop muscle loss alongside resistance training.

Don’t wait

Harlow finds that many patients put off making a change to their lifestyle until their lives are consumed by pain. 

Menstrual pain, woman with stomachache suffering from pms at home, endometriosis, cystitis and other diseases of the urinary system - stock photo
Close-up view of female jogger tying laces of her sport shoes before running exercise routine. Motivation, healthy lifestyle and fitness concept.

For most people, it’s about reducing the number of times per week you’re exercising, not reducing intensity. 

The three ageing tests to do

  • Lie completely flat on the floor and get back up to a standing position using any technique. This should take less than 10 seconds.

  • See how many times you can sit on the chair and stand back up again in 30 seconds. Men should be aiming for more than 14 times and women 12. 

  • The single-leg stand, which involves standing on one leg and balancing for 10 seconds. Everyone should be able to do that and for those under 65, Harlow asks them to do it with their eyes closed.

I imagine the conversation feels intoxicating with no discussions about whose turn it is to cook tonight or clean the bathroom; or any of the other responsibilities of both adulthood and long-term relationships.

Your online relationship is like a holiday from everyday responsibilities. It sounds like it makes you feel so alive that you believe that your own marriage has been enriched. But I find myself far more concerned about what is real: your long term wellbeing, your marriage of over 20 years and the woman who is sitting online chatting to you (I do wonder also about the possibility of this being AI, rather than a real person).

If your wife knew about it, would she feel like it was a harmless way to improve your relationship? If she knew that your enthusiasm wasn’t because of your partnership but from someone else? If you found your wife was doing something similar, would you feel betrayed?

Unless you’ve opened up your relationship to involve other lovers, online or offline, then this – as you say – is emotional infidelity. And I think your wife would be very fair to interpret it as betrayal. That sense of being betrayed can change everything in a relationship, because it can destroy all the trust that has built up. It could end your relationship and you haven’t even met this person.

Whether the woman you’re messaging is real, or shares your feelings, my advice is to stop, right now, before it is too late. Your wife has already noticed that you’re more enthusiastic about life. You might be acting more distracted and secretive too.

Instead, focus on the real relationship in front of you. Marriages can be hard work and I recommend that you think about what changed in yours and when and why did it stop being fun? You say that you love your wife: was it that responsibilities that made life feel less free?

Think back to some good times and notice what elements they had: who were you when you were together? Were you getting to know each other, or doing something new together like exploring new places? Was there a sense of excitement or even mystery?

I’d suggest you put all the efforts you’re channeling into your affair into getting your marriage back on track. Find things that make you both laugh, plan things that you’re both likely to enjoy, take the time to notice each other. Explore new places, discover a hobby together or dress and travel separately to dates together.

Understand that long term marriage takes work and neglect leads to drifting apart or resentment. Remember that you might feel that you know everything about your wife, but she is always changing, as are you, so you can find out about each other again, building on what worked in the past when you first met and fell in love.

Really listen to what she says, so you can bring the excitement you’ve been feeling home. This is likely to improve your relationship far more than betrayal – and it’s real.

If your thoughts stray to your intoxicating online affair, I suggest you imagine the realities of this as a relationship, with the same responsibilities, caring duties and stresses you have in your day to day life now. Only, you’d have now lost the person you love dearly.

Original source My online affair revived my marriage – but I don’t consider it cheating on my wife

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