I’m having an online affair. I met this woman on a website for people looking for connection. I have no intention of ever meeting her in-person, but we message each other each day, enjoy getting to know each other and are thoughtful towards each other.
My wife and I have been together over 20 years and I love her dearly, but life has become boring and predictable. My online relationship has improved things with my wife; somehow it has bought some excitement back. My wife even said that I seem more enthusiastic lately.
We’ve never met in person and I have never – and will never – so much as kiss this woman. Am I doing anything wrong?
I’m going to be very direct because I feel like you’re in some ways asking me for permission to keep in touch with this woman and you say clearly that you love your wife, so this doesn’t seem to be an affair that is signalling a choice to end your marriage.
This emotional affair is a fantasy. It’s a projection. It’s the honeymoon period of a fantasy. You don’t know her, she doesn’t know you. You’ve not met in person which leaves room for both of you to fill in lots of blanks in the most flattering way.

Strawberry fields for ever as gene-edited fruit to hit UK shelves
Gene-edited strawberries and tomatoes could soon be in British supermarkets for the first time after the Government gave the green light for final approval of the foodstuffs.
The Food Standards Agency will now have the final say on whether the products – a longer-growing strawberry and tomatoes with increased vitamin D – can be offered to consumers.
What you need to know
- Gene-edited foodstuffs have had their DNA adjusted to enhance or delete certain natural attributes such as ripening times or nutrient levels.
- In this case, “sunshine” tomatoes have been created by the Norfolk-based John Innes Institute with as much vitamin D as two eggs. A US company has also created eight strawberry varieties that fruit for longer.
- Crucially the technique is different from genetic modification, where material is added to an organism. With gene editing no additional DNA is introduced.
How will gene-edited fruit benefit consumers?
The Food Standards Agency now has the final say on whether the tomato and strawberry varieties can be offered to consumers after the Government approved the precision-bred plants.


Scientists say the fruits will look and taste the same as equivalent non gene-edited products. The result will be in an extended growing season for strawberries and tomatoes with the same amount of vitamin D as 28g of tuna.
Watch more from The i Paper

How unprecedented El Niño could persist through to February
The head of the United Nations has warned that the world is facing a “supersized” El Niño event that has a “near 100 per cent likelihood” of lasting until February next year.
Antonio Guterres was speaking as UN experts warned the world has entered a “danger zone of extreme weather” in the coming months.
What you need to know
- Data released by the World Meteorological Organisation shows this year’s El Niño is set to be the strongest in more than 70 years, with “big impacts on rainfall and temperature patterns”.
- The natural climate phenomenon is already established in the Pacific and is caused when sea temperatures rise.
- The effects of El Niño vary by region. Hot, dry weather may hit South America, south east Asia and Australia. In India, monsoon rainfall can decrease but the southern US faces a higher chance of flooding.
How will El Niño affect the UK and the rest of the world?
Guterres warned that El Niño was being “supersized before our eyes” and that the world should brace for extreme weather. He said: “The planet is in uncharted waters, and those waters are heating up.”


In Britain, the direct impact of El Niño can be harder to discern but forecasters have warned of the likelihood of a wet and stormy autumn and early winter. The Met Office has said the weather phenomenon can increase the risk of colder UK winters.
Watch more from The i Paper

How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA

The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?

Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.


Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?


The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.

Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.

A champion of EV efficiency

It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400

It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.


It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.

- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.

The kitchen gadgets under £25

Victorinox paring knife
It’s comfortable to hold, with a point sharp enough for scoring pastry.
ProCook cast iron pan
For unbeatable searing and heat-retention, cast iron is the top choice.


Tesco chopping board
Priced at just £22, I’ve yet to find another board that matches it for sheer value and quality.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Pyrex jug
It is the perfect vessel for blending smooth sauces, melting butter, or warming stock. It won’t stain like plastic and the red measurements never fade.


Salter scales
“I’ve had my slim little set of Salter Disc Scales for over a decade, and I’m delighted to see they are still made to exactly the same reliable design today.”
Microplane grater
It uses photo-etched stainless steel teeth that stay razor-sharp for a decade, something the lookalike copycats simply can’t match.
Braun hand-held blender
It’s an essential for everything from making velvety soup to getting the lumps out of white sauce.
Bodum cafetiere
As well as delivering great results, cafetieres are easy to clean and there’s no ongoing filter paper costs or pod recycling to deal with.
The kitchen gadgets under £25
Oxo peeler
What truly sets it apart is the chunky, rubberised handle that absorbs pressure and stays completely non-slip, even if your hands are wet. It is inexpensive and incredibly durable.


Falcon pie dish
Made by fusing porcelain onto heavy-gauge steel for smooth durability, it is dishwasher, freezer, hob, air-fryer and oven-safe.
The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.

Golden rules for happy relationships
Start with your own behaviours
The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.


Express your needs
People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.
Golden rules for happy relationships

The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule
If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.
Lean on community
You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong.


Stop blaming childhood
Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.

Reach for a
secure script
When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one.
If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’
Loneliness elsewhere
When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.

What to do
- Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
- You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle.
- Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
- Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.

Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…
Foods that leave you hungrier
A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice
More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.


Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.
Foods that leave you hungrier

These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.
Toast and jam


Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.
Foods that leave you hungrier

Vegetable soup
On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.
Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.


Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.
Foods that leave you hungrier

Snack bars
They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.
Low-fat yoghurt
A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.


On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.
What to eat instead
Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.
- Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
- Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
- Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
- Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.
How to age well
without pain
Will Harlow, a physiotherapist
for the over-50s and author of Independence for Life, shares
the key signs you’re ageing
badly – and what to do about it.

How to know
Ageing well is maintaining the ability to do what you want you want for as long as you want without needing help. Everyone is talking about longevity but what’s the point in living longer if the last decade is painful and you’re [totally] reliant on people?”

The signs to look out for

- The most obvious early warning sign of bad ageing is pain says Harlow.
- Another is losing confidence in doing daily tasks, which can quickly lead to a lack of independence.
- One call Harlow often receives is people calling after having a fall and struggling to get up.
How to age without pain

Not just stopping
When people retire, they often put their feet up and stop. Your body really is use it or lose it.
Throughout our entire lives, Harlow says we need between seven and nine hours of sleep.


Social isolation
The lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death by
as much as 29 per cent.
Strength training
It really is the proxy for
overall independence.
The more muscle mass you have, the less chance of heart disease, diabetes, falls and even anxiety, depression and dementia.

The brain can be linked to muscle mass too, Harlow says. It’s not just about being able to lift things. It gives you more energy, better sleep and you’ll look and feel better.
How to age without pain
Daily habits
Do short bursts of exercise, between 30 and 60 seconds, in otherwise dead time during the day.


Stretch in bed
Take joints through a full range of motion for five minutes to loosen it before getting up.
Don’t crash diet

How to age without pain

Harlow advises 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight to stop muscle loss alongside resistance training.
Don’t wait
Harlow finds that many patients put off making a change to their lifestyle until their lives are consumed by pain.


For most people, it’s about reducing the number of times per week you’re exercising, not reducing intensity.
The three ageing tests to do
- Lie completely flat on the floor and get back up to a standing position using any technique. This should take less than 10 seconds.
See how many times you can sit on the chair and stand back up again in 30 seconds. Men should be aiming for more than 14 times and women 12.
The single-leg stand, which involves standing on one leg and balancing for 10 seconds. Everyone should be able to do that and for those under 65, Harlow asks them to do it with their eyes closed.
I imagine the conversation feels intoxicating with no discussions about whose turn it is to cook tonight or clean the bathroom; or any of the other responsibilities of both adulthood and long-term relationships.
Your online relationship is like a holiday from everyday responsibilities. It sounds like it makes you feel so alive that you believe that your own marriage has been enriched. But I find myself far more concerned about what is real: your long term wellbeing, your marriage of over 20 years and the woman who is sitting online chatting to you (I do wonder also about the possibility of this being AI, rather than a real person).
If your wife knew about it, would she feel like it was a harmless way to improve your relationship? If she knew that your enthusiasm wasn’t because of your partnership but from someone else? If you found your wife was doing something similar, would you feel betrayed?
Unless you’ve opened up your relationship to involve other lovers, online or offline, then this – as you say – is emotional infidelity. And I think your wife would be very fair to interpret it as betrayal. That sense of being betrayed can change everything in a relationship, because it can destroy all the trust that has built up. It could end your relationship and you haven’t even met this person.
Whether the woman you’re messaging is real, or shares your feelings, my advice is to stop, right now, before it is too late. Your wife has already noticed that you’re more enthusiastic about life. You might be acting more distracted and secretive too.
Instead, focus on the real relationship in front of you. Marriages can be hard work and I recommend that you think about what changed in yours and when and why did it stop being fun? You say that you love your wife: was it that responsibilities that made life feel less free?
Think back to some good times and notice what elements they had: who were you when you were together? Were you getting to know each other, or doing something new together like exploring new places? Was there a sense of excitement or even mystery?
I’d suggest you put all the efforts you’re channeling into your affair into getting your marriage back on track. Find things that make you both laugh, plan things that you’re both likely to enjoy, take the time to notice each other. Explore new places, discover a hobby together or dress and travel separately to dates together.
Understand that long term marriage takes work and neglect leads to drifting apart or resentment. Remember that you might feel that you know everything about your wife, but she is always changing, as are you, so you can find out about each other again, building on what worked in the past when you first met and fell in love.
Really listen to what she says, so you can bring the excitement you’ve been feeling home. This is likely to improve your relationship far more than betrayal – and it’s real.
If your thoughts stray to your intoxicating online affair, I suggest you imagine the realities of this as a relationship, with the same responsibilities, caring duties and stresses you have in your day to day life now. Only, you’d have now lost the person you love dearly.





