I’m hearing more concern from women in midlife about their partners’ friendships, particularly that they don’t see their friends enough anymore. What interests me is how quickly that concern becomes something else women feel they need to organise.

It might start with suggesting they invite another couple round, or messaging the parents’ WhatsApp group to arrange a play date so the dads can get together. It comes from a caring place, but I can’t help but wonder, do these men actually want their social life arranged for them? Or are women trying to create the sort of friendships they would want for themselves?

If talking things through with friends helps you feel better, it’s understandable to worry about a partner who doesn’t seem to have that support. Perhaps he used to mention conversations with friends, but now most evenings involve work, watching TV or scrolling on his phone. You wonder whether he misses having someone outside the family to talk to and start thinking about what might help.

Midlife can be a time when friendships become difficult to maintain. Work, children, caring for parents and trying to keep on top of the bills can leave little time or energy for seeing people. Friends move away or change jobs, and the regular contact that once kept a friendship going can disappear.

As a GP, when someone is worried that their partner isn’t seeing enough people, I want to understand how he feels about it too. Is he lonely and missing his friends, or does he enjoy time alone and feel happy seeing a couple of friends occasionally?

If meeting up with friends is something you look forward to, you might feel guilty heading out while your partner stays at home. You imagine he must be missing out because that’s how you would feel, although he might be perfectly happy having an evening to himself. That’s where we can confuse what we would want, with what our partner needs, and start trying to solve a problem he doesn’t feel he has.

You can see this when school mums arrange a dads’ night or invite partners along, hoping they’ll become friends. It’s thoughtful, and sometimes it works, but having children at the same school doesn’t necessarily give two people much else in common. Perhaps a friendship will develop, or perhaps they’ve simply enjoyed each other’s company for an evening and are happy to leave it there.

Of course, concern about a partner who seems unhappy or has stopped doing things he used to enjoy deserves proper attention. I wouldn’t dismiss that because he hasn’t asked for help. But I would be keen to understand what has changed, rather than assume another invitation is the answer. Taking someone’s wellbeing seriously involves listening to them – even when their answer is different from the one we expect.

There can be a genuine strain when a partner depends on you for all his company and emotional support. Wanting time with your own friends is reasonable, and it should be possible to talk about that without the conversation ending with you finding him someone to spend the evening with. His needs matter, and yours need a place in that discussion too.

Couples can support each other’s friendships by sharing the responsibilities that make time away possible. That might mean protecting an evening each can use as they choose, rather than assuming one person will organise the plans for both. However many dinners get arranged, the people involved still have to want to see each other again.

I’d like us to be more curious about what these men actually want before deciding their social lives need fixing. Some miss old friends and struggle to reconnect – others are comfortable with less frequent contact. Women should be able to care, listen and offer support without becoming responsible for the outcome. Caring about a partner shouldn’t leave you feeling that his friendships are another thing you’re expected to get right.