There’s a phrase I’ve found myself saying more and more lately: “I just can’t be bothered.”

It isn’t because I’m unhappy or because I’ve lost my enthusiasm for life. I still love my work, my family and spending time with the people who matter most. What has changed is my appetite for the pace of modern life. The endless WhatsApp groups, notifications arriving every few minutes, social commitments that fill every weekend and the feeling that everything needs an immediate response all seem far more draining than they once did.

Whenever I bring it up with friends, I’m usually met with, “Oh my goodness, me too!” It’s a conversation I have in clinic as well. Women in their late thirties, forties and fifties often tell me they feel out of step with the way life is now. They still want purpose, connection and fun, but many no longer feel the same pull to be constantly busy or permanently available.

Perimenopause is often blamed whenever women describe these changes, and hormones are certainly part of the picture. As oestrogen levels fluctuate, many women notice changes in sleep, mood, concentration and emotional regulation. Brain fog becomes more common, anxiety can increase and things that once felt manageable can suddenly feel much more demanding.

There are good physiological reasons for this. Oestrogen influences several neurotransmitter systems, including serotonin, dopamine and GABA, which all play a role in mood, motivation and our response to stress. As hormone levels fluctuate, the brain has to work harder to maintain the same emotional balance. Sleep also becomes more disrupted for many women during perimenopause, and even modest sleep deprivation affects concentration, emotional regulation and our ability to cope with everyday demands, making things that once felt manageable feel much more overwhelming.

But as a GP, I know hormones don’t explain everything. By the time we reach our 40s, many of us have also lived through experiences that change the way we see the world. Becoming a parent, changing career, supporting ageing parents, losing someone we love or receiving a life-changing diagnosis all have a way of shifting our perspective. We don’t always notice it happening at the time, but when we look back, we realise we no longer see the world in quite the same way.

For me, being diagnosed with breast cancer last year changed my relationship with time. It made me much more aware that time and energy are precious. I find myself thinking more carefully about what I say yes to and what I don’t. I’m less interested in doing things because I feel I should and much more interested in spending my time in ways that genuinely leave me feeling fulfilled.

In the clinic, I hear this from so many women. They often describe a change in what they enjoy. Weekends they would once have filled with plans now leave them feeling exhausted, and an evening at home starts to sound far more appealing than another social event. Many find themselves becoming much more selective about how they spend their time, and they’re increasingly comfortable with that.

Interestingly, psychologists have been describing something very similar for years. It’s known as socioemotional selectivity theory, which suggests that, as we get older, our perception of time changes. We become more aware that time is finite and naturally begin investing more of it in the people and experiences that feel emotionally meaningful. Close relationships become more important than having lots of acquaintances. Time spent doing things that restore us starts to matter more than simply keeping busy.

The other thing is that this stage of life also tends to come with an enormous amount of responsibility. Careers are often at their busiest. Children still need us, whether they’re six or 16. Parents may need more support. Many women are holding together work, family life and the invisible mental load that sits between the two. Perhaps it’s only natural that, somewhere along the way, we start asking ourselves what really deserves our time.

I’ve noticed it in my own life. Given the choice, I’d often rather spend an evening reading than picking up my phone. I enjoy smaller gatherings far more than large events. I find myself seeking out places that feel calm instead of busy. None of those choices feel limiting. They simply leave me feeling happier afterwards.

Modern life constantly competes for our attention. Every app wants us to look, click or reply. Every spare moment can be filled. Attention is a finite resource, and perhaps one of the lessons of mid-life is recognising that we don’t have to hand it over so freely.

Maybe this growing desire for a slower, quieter life isn’t something to fix at all. Maybe it’s the point where experience, changing hormones and the realities of life come together, helping us become clearer about what matters. Perhaps saying, “I just can’t be bothered,” isn’t always a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes it’s simply a reflection that we’ve become much more intentional about where we choose to spend our time, energy and attention.