'Surprised?’ What do the Duke and Duchess of Sussex mean, exactly, by ‘surprised’?

Only two people with the self-awareness of a cabbage could fail to see that they left the King with very little choice but to set out the terms and conditions of their return in uncompromisingly clear language.

If you ask me, they’ve got off lightly. The King’s letter, sent to Prince Harry’s team, government departments, military officials and Lord Lieutenants in which (among other things) he states in no uncertain terms that they are simply ‘private citizens with commercial and charitable interests’ and that their HRH titles are ‘in abeyance’, is really no more than a judicious and long-overdue slap on the wrist.

‘Grateful’ would have been a more appropriate response. After all, a few hundred years ago they’d have been carted off to the Tower. If Prince Philip were still alive, they probably would have been, God bless him.

As it is, if you repeatedly stab someone in the back, slag off their wife, mock their entire existence and everything they stand for and generally do your best to trash their – and your – family’s entire reputation, what else do you expect? A hero’s return? Red carpet reception? A firework display? Come on.

Given everything, therefore, I’d say the King has been pretty restrained. His statement was a masterclass in ‘kingly statecraft’, as my colleague Richard Kay put it so eloquently.

Yet the fact that Charles III even felt the need to put pen to parchment so publicly speaks volumes about how estranged father and son have become, and how far their relationship has deteriorated. They are like a divorcing couple who are now only communicating through their lawyers. Or, in this case, courtiers.

King Charles could very easily have issued this communiqué in private. The fact that he did not shows he simply doesn’t trust his son not to twist his words and intentions, as he has done on countless occasions over the past few years.

It shows that the King has finally run out of patience for his indulged youngest child. And not before time.

Besides, it’s good to see these two finally getting a taste of their own medicine. Harry and Meghan seem to enjoy nothing more than pulling the rug from under people’s feet, as we have seen time and again, first with that dreadful Oprah interview, most recently with the announcement of their return to Britain.

They love to blindside, all the better to create a stir, and to put their opponents (or those they perceive as their opponents) on the back foot.

Indeed, we are told that the King had no inkling of their decision to abandon California for the Cotswolds until the Sunday before the announcement. There were many who doubted that was possible; the formal nature of this communiqué is the clearest indication that it was in fact true.

Their short-sighted and tone-deaf response to it shows there is very little prospect of an imminent rapprochement. (If these two had half a grain of common sense between them or their advisers), they would have realised this statement was the perfect opportunity to extend an olive branch. They could have responded with grace and diplomacy and won plaudits for doing so.

Perhaps something along the lines of, ‘We would like to reassure His Majesty that we understand the terms of the arrangement and have every intention of respecting them’.

Maybe even a ‘we are grateful for his understanding at this difficult time’. But no.

Instead, they chose to react in typically petulant fashion. ‘Surprised’, aka rather miffed, once again betraying the complete and utter lack of self-knowledge these two possess when it comes to the damage they have caused, and the mountain they have to climb in terms of redeeming their reputation not just in the mind of the King, but also the general public.

Bottom line, not many people like them, and even fewer people want them here.

The public are not exactly putting out the bunting; according to one poll, 87 per cent of Brits think they should pay for their own security. America, as Donald Trump pointed out, is relieved to be shot of them.

None of this has anything to do with race or class or jealousy, or the way they have been framed by the media. They’ve managed this all by themselves, through their own direct actions and by repeatedly and consistently showing themselves to be not very nice people.

While they were still in the royal fold, they were at least partially protected from their own stupidity (and cupidity). Left to their own devices, it has been one PR disaster after another.

It’s not just their unerring lack of consideration over the years for the feelings of their family at difficult and traumatic moments such as the death of Prince Philip and the late Queen, whose final months were tormented by their selfish behaviour, or the way they added to the King and Prince William’s anguish at a time of great personal difficulty.

It’s also the whiff of high-handedness and general arrogance that follows them wherever they go, from that executive at Spotify who described them as ‘f****** grifters’ to the allegations of intimidation and bullying from junior members of Kensington Palace staff.

And then, of course, there are all the millions of pounds – money that it would take most people several lifetimes to earn – wasted on legal battles pursuing spurious claims against the Home Office and blameless journalists, many of whom have had their lives and reputations shredded to satisfy the egos of this vacuous pair.

Truth is, wherever Harry and Meghan go, trouble swiftly follows. So you really can’t blame the King for wanting to set some clear boundaries. Arguably, he should have done this a long time ago – but then, as a father, he probably never imagined the lengths and depths his youngest child would sink to in his quest for... what?

What exactly has been the point of the past six years? Revenge? Closure? Point-scoring?

The Duke and Duchess’s foreign sojourn has been nothing but a prolonged and very expensive exercise in self-indulgence, on all fronts. For all the misty-eyed Instagram reels of the duchess frolicking fragrantly in her garden, they’re clearly just as dissatisfied as they always were – or why else would they be coming back?

No doubt they will be treated like royalty by the fawning school-run mums and Soho House sycophants they will surround themselves with in the Cotswolds.

But this is not La-La Land any more, this is 21st-century Britain, where people have very little time for spoilt, entitled brats like Harry. If he wants the keys to his father’s kingdom back, he and his wife had better get in line.