In September 2023 I'd been divorced for about a year. At 59 I thought to myself, "surely there's got to be a little bit more love that I could give in my life". But I was also keenly aware that not many people find romance organically these days.
I gave Bumble a go, had some pretty average dates and thought it wasn't for me, but I decided to give it one last shot. It was Kev's smile and his eyes that caught my attention. His profile said travel was really important to him, which gave me a bit of a laugh because I have huge anxiety issues around holidaying of any sort. We exchanged a few texts and decided to arrange a date. It was nothing fancy, just a few drinks at a bar in a bayside suburb of Melbourne.
It was all very easy between us, so about half an hour in, not wanting to waste our time, I thought I should make a few disclosures. Firstly I told him that as a divorcee twice over, I obviously wasn't very good at relationships. He surprised me by saying we were on par there. Then I went on to explain my pathological fear of flying, and that I wouldn't be a great travel buddy.
I fully expected him to skol his beer and wish me well but instead he asked lots of questions about my anxiety and listened intently before saying: "Well, you don't need to get on a plane to experience Australia!" I thought that was so nice of him and a little spark lit up in me – if he's willing to compromise on something so important to him, maybe this could go somewhere.
We caught up the next week, and then he returned home to Newcastle. We stayed in touch and I started to realise you really can learn a lot about a person over the phone. He had a great sense of humour and we were getting along so well, but about six weeks later he told me he didn't think a long-distance relationship could work. I was sad but wished him all the best and left the door open for him to reach out if he was ever back in Melbourne.
It felt brazen, but a few weeks later, I sent him a text. He replied immediately and said he would love to catch up while visiting family for Christmas. When he arrived at my door on Boxing Day, his smile had me swooning. We talked and laughed and the chemistry was palpable. We met again the next day and, thinking it would be the last I'd see of him. I wrote him a card thanking him for giving me hope and saying had circumstances been different, I would have given a relationship between us 100%.
By New Year's Eve he'd messaged to say he missed me. A few weeks later he came back to Melbourne, where we both now live, and we went on our first road trip together.
Three and a half years later Kev has never put pressure on me to fly. Instead he's helped me, by letting me be and warming me up for bigger and bigger jaunts. It's all still totally anxiety-inducing for me, but it gets a little bit easier every time because he's there encouraging me. I'm sure he thinks I'm completely neurotic, but he never lets on. Instead he makes considerations for the most problematic triggers, like elevators or staying up high in hotels, while helping me extend myself and see places I never would have without him. We've just returned from Jervis Bay, and a trip to Canberra.
I've never been in a relationship with anyone who could help me through my anxiety. I've always felt very alone in those experiences, but Kev's way of dealing with it is a balm. Not only does it show me that he's willing to accept me as I am, but he shows such compassion and patience that it reduces the anxiety itself.
I don't think I'll ever get on a plane, but Kev's gentle, flexible attitude to my anxieties has helped me spread my wings. We plan to set off to central Australia in 2027.