The golden rules for a happy, secure relationship

Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr Amir Levine, author of bestselling book , explains why we behave the way we do in love.

Start with your own behaviours

The foundation of a secure, connected life is being what I call CARRP: that means being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable. All of these qualities can be enacted in small gestures every day.

Express your needs

People need consistency and connection to feel safe. This is not, ‘You hurt my feelings by never replying to me’, it’s more ‘this is the kind of contact that helps me feel secure’.

The appendix ‘inflammation’ rule

If a relationship repeatedly inflames your nervous system, you need to disengage and deprioritise it.

Lean on community

You don’t need hundreds of friends. You need people and places that regularly remind you that you belong. 

Stop blaming childhood

Humans are much more complicated than: ‘this happened to you, therefore you are doomed to be anxious’.

Reach for a
secure script

When something unsettles you in a relationship, your first reaction is not always the most accurate one. 

If you’re anxious, your brain may jump very quickly to: ‘this is the beginning of the end’. If you’re avoidant, your brain may say: ‘this person wants too much from me, I need to get away’. So one very practical thing you can always do is pause and ask: ‘What would a secure person do here?’

Loneliness elsewhere

When people talk about loneliness, they often assume it means you don’t have enough people in your life. But you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely if those relationships leave you feeling excluded, ignored or disconnected.

• Build a community that works for your temperament and gives you regular, reliable moments of connection.
• You can still be kind to people while not treating them as someone who belongs in your inner circle. 
• Explain what you need. Sometimes people simply don’t realise how you are experiencing them.
• Check in with people: does this person actually feel that I’m reliable? Do they experience me as predictable? That’s the only way that you can start to become more secure.

Do some foods leave
you feeling hungry rather than satiated? Experts say there are…

A bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice

More refined cereals are digested quickly, and fruit juice, whilst one of your five-a-day, contains less fibre than whole fruit. This might mean you find yourself hungry again within 1-2 hours of eating this breakfast.

Swap the orange juice for a whole orange, the cereal for oats and milk or serve it with Greek yoghurt or a boiled egg. This would increase the fibre and protein content; two nutrients strongly linked with fullness.

These pastries are made primarily from refined flour and butter, and are relatively low in protein and fibre.

Toast and jam

Shop-bought packs can contain a lot of white rice, which is digested quickly, and the protein content is often modest.

Vegetable soup

On its own, it is often very low in protein and calories, so hunger can return quickly.

Unless it’s loaded with veggies, it’s probably pretty low in fibre.

Liquids are generally less filling as they require little chewing which may not trigger satiety signals.

Snack bars

They are ideal for a quick pick-me-up, but if reducing hunger is what you’re after, it’d be better to swap it out.

Low-fat yoghurt

A full-fat plain Greek yoghurt with berries and seeds tends to be much more filling due to the protein, fat and fibre.

On an empty stomach, it can actually increase your appetite.

Instead of thinking about avoiding foods, think about what you can add to them.

• Add beans, lentils or shredded chicken to your vegetable soup and pasta.
• Thicken your smoothies with Greek yoghurt, chia seeds and oats.
• Apple slices with peanut butter, yogurt with berries and hummus with oat biscuits are better snack options than a pre-made snack bar.
• Have alcohol alongside a balanced meal containing protein and fibre.

How to age well
without pain

Will Harlow, a physiotherapist
for the over-50s and author of Independence for Life, shares
the key signs you’re ageing
badly – and what to do about it.

How to know

Ageing well is maintaining the ability to do what you want you want for as long as you want without needing help. Everyone is talking about longevity but what’s the point in living longer if the last decade is painful and you’re [totally] reliant on people?”

The signs to look out for

• The most obvious early warning sign of bad ageing is pain says Harlow. 
• Another is losing confidence in doing daily tasks, which can quickly lead to a lack of independence.
• One call Harlow often receives is people calling after having a fall and struggling to get up.

Not just stopping

When people retire, they often put their feet up and stop. Your body really is use it or lose it.

Throughout our entire lives, Harlow says we need between seven and nine hours of sleep.

Social isolation

The lack of connection can increase the risk of premature death by
as much as 29 per cent.

Strength training

It really is the proxy for
overall independence.

The more muscle mass you have, the less chance of heart disease, diabetes, falls and even anxiety, depression and dementia. 

The brain can be linked to muscle mass too, Harlow says. It’s not just about being able to lift things. It gives you more energy, better sleep and you’ll look and feel better.

Daily habits

Do short bursts of exercise, between 30 and 60 seconds, in otherwise dead time during the day.

Stretch in bed

Take joints through a full range of motion for five minutes to loosen it before getting up.

Don’t crash diet

Harlow advises 1.6 grams per kilogram of body weight to stop muscle loss alongside resistance training.

Don’t wait

Harlow finds that many patients put off making a change to their lifestyle until their lives are consumed by pain. 

For most people, it’s about reducing the number of times per week you’re exercising, not reducing intensity. 

• Lie completely flat on the floor and get back up to a standing position using any technique. This should take less than 10 seconds.
• 
  See how many times you can sit on the chair and stand back up again in 30 seconds. Men should be aiming for more than 14 times and women 12. 
• 
  The single-leg stand, which involves standing on one leg and balancing for 10 seconds. Everyone should be able to do that and for those under 65, Harlow asks them to do it with their eyes closed.

Despite the job market hiring fewer entry-level roles, employers are still looking for grads…

But you should be prepared to keep an open mind.

We’ve compiled the sectors hiring graduate roles, what degree is required, and what they pay.

Hiring in the UK could
finally be on the up

47%

of employers offered entry-level
positions from July.

That is up nearly 15 per cent from the same period last year.

700,000

But graduate unemployment rose to six per cent in 2025 and 700,000 jobless graduates were claiming benefits.

• Around 42 per cent of UK finance and insurance employers say they will be open to graduate roles this summer.
• Business loan company Portman Finance Group has taken on 50 graduates over the past four years.

Portman graduates start on £36,000 for the two-year programme and the education you need to apply is a minimum “ABB” of A-levels, and a 2:1 or above university degree. But not in a specific subject.

Trade and logistics

What makes it particularly rewarding is that there’s always something to learn.

Nearly half (47 per cent) of trade and logistics companies will be giving graduates a go this year.

Salaries start at £30,000 with an uncapped bonus, rising to £50,000 plus a company car as a senior account partner.

Technology and IT

More than half (52 per cent) of UK tech and IT firms are actively looking for graduates. 

Successful entry-level candidates can earn a basic salary of up to £35,000, with the opportunity to triple that within their first three years of working.

46 per cent of public sector, health and social services organisations are also ready to take graduates, according to a survey by Manpower. 

• For example, Police Now runs a graduate programme into policing. They recruit graduates from any degree field, as long as they achieve a 2:2 or above. Starting salaries range from £31,164 to £42,210 depending on location and rising each year.

Can we treat guests without blowing our budget?

According to Waitrose, a dinner party revival is underway led by younger people trying to reduce the cost of getting together.

Always have bread

People will feast on the
bread, and then need less fish/steak/expensive whatever. All small plates restaurants know this: this is why the first thing on the menu is always artisan bread and butter.

ELLA RISBRIDGER, AUTHOR OF THE KITCHEN BOOK – GOOD FOOD FOR EVERY DAY

Add pantry items

Graham’s recipes include a braised cabbage with a preserved lemon sauce, a roast cauliflower with saffron, and harrisa roast carrots with mango labneh.

Improve the everyday

Guests will always appreciate a stellar interpretation of the ordinary. Think lasagna or curry.

Cooking dinner for your guests is spoiling them – you’re being generous with your time, your effort, and your home. So don’t feel the need to go overboard elsewhere.

Ask for help

Ask friends to bring a contribution, be it a nibble or a pudding.

Big platter energy

[Presentation] can be the key to elevating something . Spaghetti and tomato sauce suddenly looks like a feast when tumbled on a lovely big plate, dressed with olive oil and parmesan and placed in the middle of the table.

Food writer and editor Eleanor Steafel 

Taco party

Have one expensive filling, like shredded chicken, and two cheaper options, like refried beans, says Ella Risbridger.

Shop-bought ice cream is so easily zhuzhed up with the help of handy toppings, says Eleanor Steafel.

Low-effort tricks for
a cleaner house

While many Britons feel inspired to tackle their homes during summer, the warmer months can also make cleaning harder.

But Lynsey Crombie, known as the Queen of Clean, says the hotter months can increase mould, musty smells and sweaty clothes. 

Here, she shares the tips and practical
hacks she lives by.

A study of 1,000 UK residents by Domestic & General revealed that almost one in 10 Brits have never cleaned their washing machine, yet it could be grubbier than the toilet seat.

Crombie says after 30 washes, use 500 grams of soda crystals on the hottest wash to clean out the drum. If there’s sludge, run a quick rinse cycle with some white vinegar.

Always make sure to leave the door and drawer ajar for 10 minutes to dry out too and avoid stale smells.

White vinegar

This is Crombie’s go to. It can descale the kettle and taps and deodorise places in her home.

Table salt

For tough stains like red wine, rub salt into the stain, leave overnight and wash as normal.

For stubborn water marks, use half a lemon and bicarbonate of soda and leave on for 30 minutes before rinsing.

Cold water is better

You’re damaging [wooden] floor [with hot water], making it expand, stretch
and cause gaps…

During hot days, Crombie says to avoid cleaning with hot water altogether to avoid adding humidity to the home.

“Cold water is much better, and if you’re using the right floor cleaning product, it’s still going to be clean,” she says.

Three is the magic number

Wash your towels after two to three uses and make sure they dry properly in-between.

Focus on hotspots

Clean the “high traffic” areas, like the toilets, kitchen worktops and the hallway daily.

Open the windows

To keep a home fresh open the windows for 15 minutes each day – even in colder months.

Do it more frequently, to cut down how long it takes

One task Crombie does weekly is her fridge. This includes a 10-minute wipe-down, focusing on the salad and vegetable tray. “If you save that job up and do it every other month, it’s going to be a very big chore.”

Stainless steel

Crombie’s hack is one product: Barkeeper’s Friend in powder form.

The expensive products

“If you spend more money, you get the floral scents. The difference is scent, not performance.”

Ignore online advice

The biggest issue she sees is product overuse. “You don’t need half a bottle of washing up liquid to clean a surface.”

Four products can do do a full clean of the house.

• Antibacterial washing-up liquid: “It can clean almost anything, and any brand works.”
• : It’s pet-friendly, eco-friendly and “ticks all the boxes.”
• Cif cream cleaner: “It’s an old school product. It’s so good.”
• White vinegar: ““It’s great for washing sportswear, gym kits and is a great stain remover.”

How to keep your sex life going in a heatwave

Don’t endure it

For some people, the heat and the sun boost the production of hormones responsible for joy, pleasure and connection like serotonin and dopamine. For others, the heat causes fatigue and irritability. For them, being touched can set off an anxiety response.

GEMMA NICE [BELOW]

Don’t endure sweaty cuddles

• Long-term partners can be upfront and honest with each other and say that it’s too hot to touch right now.
• For others, break the tension by having an open and honest conversation.
• Choose dates with built-in air conditioning, like the cinema.
• Don’t ignore the issue or
  power through if you’re too hot.

Take penetrative sex off the table

It may make you feel lightheaded, tired, and can even lead to erectile dysfunction because the body is overheating.

Indulge in dirty talk instead

Because you aren’t distracted by physical movement, your focus is entirely on your partner’s voice. This can help build a massive amount of tension and sexual desire.

This syncs up your nervous systems and can trigger a deep, full-body energetic response.

Mutual play

Set up a fan and touch yourselves while looking directly into each other’s eyes, says Nice.

Strip and chill out

Just sharing the space and being close to each other can strengthen your bond.

Why you shouldn’t have
sex in the sea

• Water actually washes away
  your body’s natural lubrication.
• It creates friction against the delicate tissue.
• This can cause micro tears and severe irritation.
• It drastically increases the risk of getting a urinary tract infection (UTI) or a yeast infection.

The one easy habit which keeps your
brain young

From adopting a different running route to taking up a new hobby, here are seven ways in which new experiences can dramatically alter your brain health for the better.

Why we need new experiences

A well-connected brain is more resilient to stress, illness and the effects of ageing.

Neurologist Dr Steve Allder says when we try unfamiliar things, our brain is forced to work in new ways.

Over time, this improves the brain’s ability to adapt to change and respond to challenges, helping us to preserve thinking skills and emotional balance.

They strengthen memory formation

Regularly exposing yourself to new situations – even small ones – helps exercise your memory systems, which improves your ability to store and retrieve information.

They improve overall learning ability

Just as muscles adapt to new exercises, the brain adapts to new mental demands. As we age the brain then benefits from regular stimulation and maintains sharpness.

Boosts dopamine

New experiences naturally stimulate dopamine, which encourages positive behaviour patterns.

Reduce cognitive decline

New experiences activate different brain regions, helping to keep more areas working.

Your brain must evaluate options, test ideas and adjust its approach.

Each time you adapt successfully to something new, your brain learns that change can be handled. This improves emotional flexibility, making it easier to cope with stress and unexpected events.

They also often involve other people, whether through travel or social activities. This stimulate areas of the brain
responsible for communication, empathy and understanding others’ perspectives.