We haven’t had sex for eight months – my wife finds it too painful

My wife can no longer have sex since menopause and it’s driving me up the wall. She feels pain, I feel frustrated. We love each other but we can’t even talk about it without feeling embarrassed, sad, angry, so many emotions. What can I do so we both get our needs met? Is this normal or is there something I should know about?

We have a close, supportive relationship and have been together for 23 years. When we first met we had sex almost every day. After a few years, that dwindled to about once a week, except for during occasional periods of illness and injury. Now we haven’t had sex for almost eight months and have had to stop the past two times we tried, which I felt terrible about.

Anon, age 53

The surprise bonus benefits of four common vaccines

People who have had the have a lower rate of some completely unexpected conditions, including heart attacks and strokes, a study found this week.

What did the study find?

  • Rates of heart disease and strokes were 9 per cent lower over seven years in Americans who got the new shingles vaccine.
  • This was compared with those who were vaccinated using a previous version, a study by the University of Oxford found.
  • This cuts heart disease by about the same amount as when people take a daily tablet to lower their blood pressure.
  • This is according to researcher Dr Maxime Taquet, associate professor at the University of Oxford. 

The other vaccines with added benefits

  • The MMR jab not only protects against measles, but over the years cuts the rate at which children fall prey to ear infections, diarrhoea and pneumonia.
  • The vaccine against tuberculosis has been turned into a treatment for bladder cancer.
  • The HPV vaccine prevents not just cervical cancer but also throat cancer and some cancers of the penis and anus.

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More on health from The i Paper

A VIAS staff member gives a demonstration of an alcolock alcohol lock in cars, at the presentation of a study by VIAS institute on the efficiency of the alcolock alcohol lock in cars, in Brussels on January 11, 2023. (Photo by ERIC LALMAND / BELGA / AFP) / Belgium OUT (Photo by ERIC LALMAND/BELGA/AFP via Getty Images)

Could alcolocks become mandatory for repeat drink-drivers?

International evidence shows  can reduce reoffending by up to 70%.

Police chiefs and road safety campaigners have written to the Prime Minister urging him to introduce alcolocks for repeat drink-driving offenders.

What are alcolocks?

  • Alcohol interlocks, known as alcolocks, are devices which prevent a vehicle from being started or driven unless the motorist passes a breath test.
Illustration picture shows a alcolock alcohol lock set during the presentation of a study by VIAS institute on the efficiency of the alcolock alcohol lock in cars, in Brussels, Wednesday 11 January 2023. BELGA PHOTO ERIC LALMAND (Photo by ERIC LALMAND / BELGA MAG / Belga via AFP) (Photo by ERIC LALMAND/BELGA MAG/AFP via Getty Images)

Campaigners including the National Police Chiefs’ Council and the RAC urged the Government to introduce a mandatory alcolock programme for “high-risk and repeat drink-driving offenders”.

What campaigners said

An effective programme should make the use of an alcolock a mandatory condition of an offender returning to driving, backed by monitoring and appropriate rehabilitation. “It would prevent a vehicle being driven after drinking, rather than relying solely on a ban or penalty after the event.

File photo dated 26/11/14 of a pint of beer and a set of car keys on a bar in a pub in central London. More than a fifth (21%) of motorists have drunk alcohol after 10pm when needing to drive before 9am the following morning, a new survey suggests. Road safety charity IAM RoadSmart, which commissioned the poll, warned that drinking alcohol the night before getting behind the wheel can pose a "serious threat" because a "groggy head" means slower reaction times. Issue date: Friday July 18, 2025. PA Photo. Photo credit should read: Philip Toscano/PA Wire

A closer look at the figures

How serious a problem is repeat drink-driving?

27,837 

The number of British motorists who were convicted of drink-driving multiple times in the 11 years to 20 July, 2024.

Transport Department figures suggest an estimated 260 people were killed in crashes on Britain’s roads involving at least one driver over the legal alcohol limit in 2023.

Approximately 1,600 people were seriously injured.

What happens abroad?

Several countries such as Australia, Belgium, Canada and the US mandate the use of interlocks during sentencing of some drink-drivers.

This does not happen in the UK, where people lose their licence for at least 12 months, although offenders may be offered a reduced ban if they complete a rehabilitation course.

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Teenage girl has dissolvable heart implant fitted to chase rugby dream

EMBARGOED TO 0001 FRIDAY AUGUST 28 Undated family handout photo issued by Alder Hey Children's Hospital of Lillie Yale, 14, who has become the first UK patient to have a dissolvable heart implant fitted to treat atrial septal defect (ASD). The device, known as Memosorb, acts as a scaffold for the heart to heal the hole itself before disappearing completely. Lillie's mother Becci Nichols said doctors at Alder Hey Children's Hospital went "above and beyond" for her daughter, as a traditional metal implant would mean Lillie giving up rugby, which she hopes to play professionally one day. Issue date: Friday August 28, 2026. PA Photo. Photo credit should read: Becci Nichols/PA Wire NOTE TO EDITORS: This handout photo may only be used for editorial reporting purposes for the contemporaneous illustration of events, things or the people in the image or facts mentioned in the caption. Reuse of the picture may require further permission from the copyright holder.

A teenage girl has become the first person in the UK to have a dissolvable implant fitted to close a hole in her heart that is around the size of a 10p coin.

Lillie Yale, from Warrington, faced having a permanent metal device, which would have hindered her dream of becoming a professional rugby player.

How the implant works

  • The implant will act as a scaffold for Lillie’s heart to heal over the coming years, before dissolving and leaving behind no trace.
  • The procedure was performed on the 14-year-old at Alder Hey Children’s NHS Foundation Trust in Liverpool in June.
  • It is the first time the device, known as MemoSorb, has been used on a patient with an atrial septal defect (ASD), a hole in the wall that divides the two upper chambers of the heart, in the UK.

Lillie is ‘healing perfectly’

Lillie’s mother Becci Nichols, 38, said her daughter is “healing perfectly” and has since ran a 5k and has returned to playing rugby.

“I’m really happy it’s all done now, and it’s amazing to know I was the first person in the UK to have this new type of implant,” Lillie said.

EMBARGOED TO 0001 FRIDAY AUGUST 28 Undated family handout photo issued by Alder Hey Children's Hospital of their Interventional cardiology team Lillie Yale, 14, has become the first UK patient to have a dissolvable heart implant fitted to treat atrial septal defect (ASD). The device, known as Memosorb, acts as a scaffold for the heart to heal the hole itself before disappearing completely. Lillie's mother Becci Nichols said doctors at Alder Hey Children's Hospital went "above and beyond" for her daughter, as a traditional metal implant would mean Lillie giving up rugby, which she hopes to play professionally one day. Issue date: Friday August 28, 2026. PA Photo. Photo credit should read: Alder Hey Children's Hospital/PA Wire NOTE TO EDITORS: This handout photo may only be used for editorial reporting purposes for the contemporaneous illustration of events, things or the people in the image or facts mentioned in the caption. Reuse of the picture may require further permission from the copyright holder.
EMBARGOED TO 0001 FRIDAY AUGUST 28 Undated family handout photo issued by Alder Hey Children's Hospital of Lillie Yale, 14, who has become the first UK patient to have a dissolvable heart implant fitted to treat atrial septal defect (ASD). The device, known as Memosorb, acts as a scaffold for the heart to heal the hole itself before disappearing completely. Lillie's mother Becci Nichols said doctors at Alder Hey Children's Hospital went "above and beyond" for her daughter, as a traditional metal implant would mean Lillie giving up rugby, which she hopes to play professionally one day. Issue date: Friday August 28, 2026. PA Photo. Photo credit should read: Becci Nichols/PA Wire NOTE TO EDITORS: This handout photo may only be used for editorial reporting purposes for the contemporaneous illustration of events, things or the people in the image or facts mentioned in the caption. Reuse of the picture may require further permission from the copyright holder.

Rise in salmonella cases linked to eggs

Fresh brown eggs in a white bowl and on a linen napkin. The overall composition looks very natural and cozy thanks to the wooden background and soft lighting.

Cases of salmonella  have risen, according to the UK Health Security Agency.

Reported cases have risen from 207 to 259 in the past week. One person has also died due to an outbreak linked to imported eggs.

What should people do?

Babies, young children, pregnant women and older people should only eat thoroughly cooked eggs in restaurants. Runny eggs can be eaten by these groups if they carry the British Lion mark or are produced under the Laid in Britain scheme.

There is no evidence eggs produced in the UK are affected and risk to the public is low.

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What are the symptoms of salmonella?

  • Salmonella infection typically causes diarrhoea, stomach cramps, vomiting and fever for a short period in most people.
  • However, it can lead to more serious illness, including sepsis requiring hospital admission, particularly in those who are more vulnerable to infection.

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MOSCOW, RUSSIA - AUGUST 18: Russian President Vladimir Putin listens to Myanmar President Min Aung Hlaing (not pictured) during their meeting at Kremlin on August 18, 2026 in Moscow, Russia. Fresh off a five-year military deal, Min Aung Hlaing is meeting Vladimir Putin for talks on further economic and security cooperation. (Photo by Contributor/Getty Images)

What would happen if Russia attacks Europe

Tensions are soaring between Russia and the UK, with the Kremlin threatening to bomb British military bases over support for Ukraine. A US intelligence report earlier this month warned that Russia could attack a Nato country within weeks, with the window of threat spanning until 2029.

The early stages of an attack

  • If Russia decides to directly attack Nato territory, it would most likely begin laying the groundwork with surveillance and reconnaissance missions, the movement of special forces into the area, or setting up a political or diplomatic scenario to justify the occupation of territory.
  • One possible site for an attack is the Svalbard archipelago, a group of Norwegian islands in the High North which are undefended and already have a Russian presence for mining. 

Where else could be hit?

Another possible target for a Russian attack is the Aland islands, another undefended group of islands in the Baltic Sea which are close to Estonia, Sweden and Finland. 

There are also concerns Russia may try to seize the Swedish island of Gotland, or may decide to launch another land invasion in Eastern Europe. Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia or Poland are all possible targets.

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What happens if Russia attacks

Prime Minister Andy Burnham delivers closing remarks during the first National Day for victims and survivors of terrorism memorial event at Lancaster House in London, England, Friday, Aug. 21, 2026. (Carl Court/Getty Images via AP)

An emergency Cobra meeting would be called and Nato members would discuss their response.

The UK would be expected to deploy troops and capabilities. European countries could be hit by cyber attacks.

File photo first issued 06/11/25 by the Ministry of Defence of an AJAX Armoured Fighting Vehicle (AFV). MPs have questioned whether the Army's troubled ?6.3 billion Ajax light tank will ever be fit for use in combat. Issue date: Sunday June 7, 2026. PA Photo. The project has been dogged by concerns about the impact of noise and vibration on the crew and the Public Accounts Committee warned there were "unrealistic expectations" about how soldiers will be able to safely operate the armoured vehicle in a war zone. The MPs on the Commons spending watchdog also criticised the delays in Sir Keir Starmer's government publishing its defence investment plan (Dip), which was originally due last year but may now not be published until July. Photo credit should read: Andrew Linnett/PA Wire NOTE TO EDITORS: This handout photo may only be used for editorial reporting purposes for the contemporaneous illustration of events, things or the people in the image or facts mentioned in the caption. Reuse of the picture may require further permission from the copyright holder.
Pictured are the Shore Reconnaissance Team (SRT) from 30 Commando?s Surveillance and Reconnaissance Squadron (SRS) conducting beach surveys and live firing during Winter Deployment 22. SRT carried out a covert swim insertion from ship to shore utilising the Inflatable Raiding Craft (IRC) to carry out critical beach reconnaissance deep inside the Arctic Circle. The team then conducted live break contact drills once ashore on the beaches of Ramsund. These drills enable the small teams to disengage rapidly from enemy forces and regain their covert posture. Royal Marines have deployed to Northern Norway to carry out their annual winter deployment in the Arctic Circle. Commandos will refresh skills in surviving, moving, and fighting across the ice. This year, Royal Navy ships will join Royal Marines for the large-scale NATO exercise Cold Response 22. This takes place in March and April with 28 nations and a total of 35,000 troops already committed to attending the exercise.

Troops from across Europe could be mobilised to the site of the attack, with some still arriving weeks later.

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Wild swimming brings higher risk of stomach bugs and rashes

Wild swimming has been linked to a higher risk of , a study has found.

Wild swimmers in Hungary were more than twice as likely to develop skin problems and were at a higher risk of contracting a stomach bug in water with higher concentrations of E. coli and other bacteria linked to faecal pollution.

What did the study find?

  • 2,368 people at two rivers and two lake-like bathing sites in Hungary were studied.
  • Participants either spent 10 minutes in the water, immersing their face at least three times, or remained on the shore.
  • Water was sampled throughout the trials and participants were questioned a week later.
  • About 2.1 per cent of swimmers reported gastrointestinal illness, including diarrhoea, vomiting or nausea accompanied by fever, compared with 1.9 per cent of non-swimmers.
  • A rash, ulcer or itching was reported by 2.7 per cent of swimmers and 1.3 per cent of non-swimmers.

What are the study’s implications?

The findings raise questions about the World Health Organisation’s decision to drop E coli as a recommended indicator of pollution in freshwater bathing sites. The body’s latest guidelines advise monitoring enterococci but not E. coli, yet the study found the latter is the only one associated with increased risk.

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How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps

The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.

NHS GP dR RADHA

The science

Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.

  • The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
  • This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
  • We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
  • Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.

How can we build gratitude?

Two adult brothers enjoy a warm embrace in a sunny park. They stand beside a decorative fence surrounded by lush greenery, showcasing a strong bond and happiness in the moment.

Change your words

Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it. 

Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.

Caucasian mid adult patient writing a diary while recovering in the hospital ward - stock photo

Express it

This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.

How can we build gratitude?

Notice more

Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?

Happy woman spending leisure time with friends at sunny day. Multiracial females are talking with each other. They are wearing sports clothing.
Group of Happy Asian senior women friends shopping and having lunch at restaurant on summer holiday vacation. Healthy elderly woman enjoy outdoor lifestyle meeting and eating food together.

The basics

By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.

What to do

Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality. 

  • Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
  • Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
  • Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.

Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.

Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery

Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.

The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars. 

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A champion of EV efficiency

It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.

It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.

Priced from £37,400

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It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.

The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.

The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.


With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.

It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion. 

All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.

  • While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
  • It attempts to wow with tech, much of which hinders, rather than helps. 
  • There’s no tangible benefit over mounting your phone to the dash.
  • Simply an average driving experience, adequate range and slow charging speeds. 

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Thank you for overcoming your embarrassment to get in touch with me about this subject. Almost half of women – 45 per cent according to The Menopause Society – experience pain during sex during the menopause. I contacted hormone expert and founder of Living in Sync, Claire McGuinness, who explains: “During perimenopause and menopause, falling and fluctuating oestrogen levels can affect the tissues in and around the vagina. They can become drier, thinner and less elastic, and natural lubrication can reduce too. This can make sex uncomfortable or, for some women, really quite painful. Women might also notice things like irritation, burning, needing to wee more often or recurrent UTIs.”

She underlines that women don’t have to just put up with this or accept painful sex as a normal part of getting older. “Lubricants and vaginal moisturisers can be helpful, but if dryness or discomfort is continuing, I would always encourage someone to have a chat with their GP or menopause practitioner,” she says.

“Low-dose vaginal oestrogen can be incredibly effective and is available in different forms, including creams, vaginal tablets or pessaries and rings. It works locally on the vaginal tissues and very little is absorbed into the rest of the body. A GP can talk through the different options and what might be most suitable. Dryness and discomfort is very treatable, and getting the right support can make such a difference to comfort, confidence and intimacy.” She recommends finding out more using resources such as the NHS website.

I’m not surprised the pain your wife has been experiencing has brought up lots of emotions for you both. Few people in our generation grew up talking about sex: our parents often saw it as a taboo subject and school sex education didn’t mention pleasure. I would recommend that you practise: by chatting about sex together, you will hopefully both start to feel more relaxed. It’s OK to acknowledge your awkwardness and neither of you need to pretend that you know what to expect. Instead, discover together how to give each other pleasure that is pain free. I also recommend that you become curious about your emotions. It sounds as if you feel a sense of guilt that sex is currently painful for your wife. Or perhaps guilt that you still want sex? On the other hand, is it frustration at the situation that is making you angry?

I admire you for saying that you both have needs. So many men believe that they’re being unreasonable to think of their needs when their wife is experiencing pain or discomfort. For many, this is part of a wider, and frequently damaging, belief that they shouldn’t have any needs in a relationship. This often comes from childhood experiences. The more we know ourselves and recognise our needs, the more fulfilled and often less resentful and angry we become.

Explore all the emotions you’re experiencing. Why is sex important to you both? Is it being held, feeling safe, feeling close and loved, connecting with each other, the feeling of orgasm? All of these? By identifying these, you will hopefully be able to find more ways to give each other pleasure, safety, connection, closeness, intimacy. Sexual expression isn’t all about penetration. It might be that you both spend more time touching and cuddling; that you give each other a hand to reach orgasm; that, in time and with the help of lubrication, you are able to find different sex positions that give more pleasure.

You describe how you had more frequent sex when young, and wonder whether part of the sadness that you’re feeling might be for your youth. It’s very unlikely that this is the end of your sex life, but it may be that you’re moving into a new phase of life more generally. Changes such as the menopause are a reminder of ageing and time passing. It is natural to feel a sense of loss for a time when we had our whole lives ahead of us. It is worth appreciating how we’ve chosen to spend our years – it sounds as if you have a loving, fulfilling relationship that is worth celebrating. I hope your wife is able to seek effective help for these painful symptoms soon.

Original source We haven’t had sex for eight months – my wife finds it too painful

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