My wife can no longer have sex since menopause and it’s driving me up the wall. She feels pain, I feel frustrated. We love each other but we can’t even talk about it without feeling embarrassed, sad, angry, so many emotions. What can I do so we both get our needs met? Is this normal or is there something I should know about?
We have a close, supportive relationship and have been together for 23 years. When we first met we had sex almost every day. After a few years, that dwindled to about once a week, except for during occasional periods of illness and injury. Now we haven’t had sex for almost eight months and have had to stop the past two times we tried, which I felt terrible about.
Anon, age 53
The surprise bonus benefits of four common vaccines


People who have had the have a lower rate of some completely unexpected conditions, including heart attacks and strokes, a study found this week.
What did the study find?
- Rates of heart disease and strokes were 9 per cent lower over seven years in Americans who got the new shingles vaccine.
- This was compared with those who were vaccinated using a previous version, a study by the University of Oxford found.
- This cuts heart disease by about the same amount as when people take a daily tablet to lower their blood pressure.
- This is according to researcher Dr Maxime Taquet, associate professor at the University of Oxford.
The other vaccines with added benefits
- The MMR jab not only protects against measles, but over the years cuts the rate at which children fall prey to ear infections, diarrhoea and pneumonia.
- The vaccine against tuberculosis has been turned into a treatment for bladder cancer.
- The HPV vaccine prevents not just cervical cancer but also throat cancer and some cancers of the penis and anus.
More on health from The i Paper

Could alcolocks become mandatory for repeat drink-drivers?
International evidence shows can reduce reoffending by up to 70%.
Police chiefs and road safety campaigners have written to the Prime Minister urging him to introduce alcolocks for repeat drink-driving offenders.
What are alcolocks?
- Alcohol interlocks, known as alcolocks, are devices which prevent a vehicle from being started or driven unless the motorist passes a breath test.

Campaigners including the National Police Chiefs’ Council and the RAC urged the Government to introduce a mandatory alcolock programme for “high-risk and repeat drink-driving offenders”.
What campaigners said
An effective programme should make the use of an alcolock a mandatory condition of an offender returning to driving, backed by monitoring and appropriate rehabilitation. “It would prevent a vehicle being driven after drinking, rather than relying solely on a ban or penalty after the event.

A closer look at the figures
How serious a problem is repeat drink-driving?
27,837
The number of British motorists who were convicted of drink-driving multiple times in the 11 years to 20 July, 2024.
Transport Department figures suggest an estimated 260 people were killed in crashes on Britain’s roads involving at least one driver over the legal alcohol limit in 2023.
Approximately 1,600 people were seriously injured.
What happens abroad?
Several countries such as Australia, Belgium, Canada and the US mandate the use of interlocks during sentencing of some drink-drivers.
This does not happen in the UK, where people lose their licence for at least 12 months, although offenders may be offered a reduced ban if they complete a rehabilitation course.
Teenage girl has dissolvable heart implant fitted to chase rugby dream

A teenage girl has become the first person in the UK to have a dissolvable implant fitted to close a hole in her heart that is around the size of a 10p coin.
Lillie Yale, from Warrington, faced having a permanent metal device, which would have hindered her dream of becoming a professional rugby player.
How the implant works
- The implant will act as a scaffold for Lillie’s heart to heal over the coming years, before dissolving and leaving behind no trace.
- The procedure was performed on the 14-year-old at Alder Hey Children’s NHS Foundation Trust in Liverpool in June.
- It is the first time the device, known as MemoSorb, has been used on a patient with an atrial septal defect (ASD), a hole in the wall that divides the two upper chambers of the heart, in the UK.
Lillie is ‘healing perfectly’
Lillie’s mother Becci Nichols, 38, said her daughter is “healing perfectly” and has since ran a 5k and has returned to playing rugby.
“I’m really happy it’s all done now, and it’s amazing to know I was the first person in the UK to have this new type of implant,” Lillie said.


Rise in salmonella cases linked to eggs

Cases of salmonella have risen, according to the UK Health Security Agency.
Reported cases have risen from 207 to 259 in the past week. One person has also died due to an outbreak linked to imported eggs.
What should people do?
Babies, young children, pregnant women and older people should only eat thoroughly cooked eggs in restaurants. Runny eggs can be eaten by these groups if they carry the British Lion mark or are produced under the Laid in Britain scheme.
There is no evidence eggs produced in the UK are affected and risk to the public is low.
What are the symptoms of salmonella?
- Salmonella infection typically causes diarrhoea, stomach cramps, vomiting and fever for a short period in most people.
- However, it can lead to more serious illness, including sepsis requiring hospital admission, particularly in those who are more vulnerable to infection.
Watch more from The i Paper

What would happen if Russia attacks Europe

Tensions are soaring between Russia and the UK, with the Kremlin threatening to bomb British military bases over support for Ukraine. A US intelligence report earlier this month warned that Russia could attack a Nato country within weeks, with the window of threat spanning until 2029.
The early stages of an attack
- If Russia decides to directly attack Nato territory, it would most likely begin laying the groundwork with surveillance and reconnaissance missions, the movement of special forces into the area, or setting up a political or diplomatic scenario to justify the occupation of territory.
- One possible site for an attack is the Svalbard archipelago, a group of Norwegian islands in the High North which are undefended and already have a Russian presence for mining.
Where else could be hit?
Another possible target for a Russian attack is the Aland islands, another undefended group of islands in the Baltic Sea which are close to Estonia, Sweden and Finland.
There are also concerns Russia may try to seize the Swedish island of Gotland, or may decide to launch another land invasion in Eastern Europe. Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia or Poland are all possible targets.
What happens if Russia attacks

An emergency Cobra meeting would be called and Nato members would discuss their response.
The UK would be expected to deploy troops and capabilities. European countries could be hit by cyber attacks.


Troops from across Europe could be mobilised to the site of the attack, with some still arriving weeks later.
Watch more from The i Paper
Wild swimming brings higher risk of stomach bugs and rashes

Wild swimming has been linked to a higher risk of , a study has found.
Wild swimmers in Hungary were more than twice as likely to develop skin problems and were at a higher risk of contracting a stomach bug in water with higher concentrations of E. coli and other bacteria linked to faecal pollution.
What did the study find?
- 2,368 people at two rivers and two lake-like bathing sites in Hungary were studied.
- Participants either spent 10 minutes in the water, immersing their face at least three times, or remained on the shore.
- Water was sampled throughout the trials and participants were questioned a week later.
- About 2.1 per cent of swimmers reported gastrointestinal illness, including diarrhoea, vomiting or nausea accompanied by fever, compared with 1.9 per cent of non-swimmers.
- A rash, ulcer or itching was reported by 2.7 per cent of swimmers and 1.3 per cent of non-swimmers.
What are the study’s implications?
The findings raise questions about the World Health Organisation’s decision to drop E coli as a recommended indicator of pollution in freshwater bathing sites. The body’s latest guidelines advise monitoring enterococci but not E. coli, yet the study found the latter is the only one associated with increased risk.
Watch more from The i Paper

How to be more grateful for daily life in five easy steps
The world feels like a difficult place at the moment, and it can feel very hard sometimes to find things to be thankful for; when we are overwhelmed, we have less capacity to notice and reflect on the good things. Yet, ironically, proactively cultivating gratitude is one of the things that can actually help us feel less stressed.
NHS GP dR RADHA

The science
Research has shown that feeling or expressing thanks can actually alter our brain.
- The balance of neurotransmitters change; more serotonin and dopamine (feel good chemicals) are produced.
- This can be long lasting if we make gratitude a regular habit.
- We also get a decrease in our cortisol (stress hormone) levels which helps lower anxiety.
- Being grateful can strengthen the nerve pathways which triggers positive emotion.
How can we build gratitude?

Change your words
Instead of seeing something as a problem, try to see the opportunities within it.
Our brains are very receptive and what we read or write can alter our emotional system.


Express it
This will not only make you feel good, but you will also get a positive response from others.
How can we build gratitude?
Notice more
Throughout your day, try to notice all the things that are going well; has someone opened a door for you, or smiled?


The basics
By being thankful for the small things every day, we are far more likely to be and stay healthy so that we can enjoy them.
What to do
Gratitude can lead to feelings of optimism, lower our blood pressure, and improve sleep quality.
- Write down what potential good aspects there are to the things you don’t feel like doing, or even what could be worse about it.
- Spend a few minutes writing down three things that you are looking forward to that day, or the good things that have happened to you that day.
- Say thank you to yourself for the things you have achieved, or managed to get through and changed that day.
Sales of battery
electric vehicles hit a record high last year.

Starts at £22,995 for the smaller battery
Available with either a 40kWh battery or a larger 52kWh pack, that offers almost 255 miles, the latest, retro-inspired Renault 5 is both a joy to behold and a hoot to drive.
The interior has been lavished with a level of detail that’s typically reserved for more expensive cars.

A champion of EV efficiency

It offers a remarkable 491 mile range on a single charge from the 85kWh battery.
It is a technological masterclass inside with the ability to option screens that span the entire width of the dashboard, including an optional display for the front passenger.
Priced from £37,400

It’s a lot of money to part with, but this is arguably all the car you will ever need.
The £89,000 Macan is a premium SUV that somehow manages to blend Porsche’s reputation for dynamics and sporty driving with everyday practicality.
The 95kWh batteries can go from 10 to 80 per cent in as little as 21 minutes from the fastest public charging outlets.
With the business class-style six seat configuration costing a staggering £76,995, it is by far the most expensive Kia ever made, but it backs up its financial demands with a suite of genuinely useful and impressive onboard technology.


It’s fast, goes a long way between stops and charges relatively quickly but the interior is bland, the onboard technology is infuriating and the experience is devoid of emotion.
All of its gadgetry can’t disguise the fact that performance is weak, even for a typically zippy EV, the ride is fussy at slower speeds and it’s not in the least bit enjoyable to drive on a country road.

- While good value (prices start at £17,935) for the 200-mile max range, there are more interesting options from Hyundai, Citroen and Renault for similar money.
Thank you for overcoming your embarrassment to get in touch with me about this subject. Almost half of women – 45 per cent according to The Menopause Society – experience pain during sex during the menopause. I contacted hormone expert and founder of Living in Sync, Claire McGuinness, who explains: “During perimenopause and menopause, falling and fluctuating oestrogen levels can affect the tissues in and around the vagina. They can become drier, thinner and less elastic, and natural lubrication can reduce too. This can make sex uncomfortable or, for some women, really quite painful. Women might also notice things like irritation, burning, needing to wee more often or recurrent UTIs.”
She underlines that women don’t have to just put up with this or accept painful sex as a normal part of getting older. “Lubricants and vaginal moisturisers can be helpful, but if dryness or discomfort is continuing, I would always encourage someone to have a chat with their GP or menopause practitioner,” she says.
“Low-dose vaginal oestrogen can be incredibly effective and is available in different forms, including creams, vaginal tablets or pessaries and rings. It works locally on the vaginal tissues and very little is absorbed into the rest of the body. A GP can talk through the different options and what might be most suitable. Dryness and discomfort is very treatable, and getting the right support can make such a difference to comfort, confidence and intimacy.” She recommends finding out more using resources such as the NHS website.
I’m not surprised the pain your wife has been experiencing has brought up lots of emotions for you both. Few people in our generation grew up talking about sex: our parents often saw it as a taboo subject and school sex education didn’t mention pleasure. I would recommend that you practise: by chatting about sex together, you will hopefully both start to feel more relaxed. It’s OK to acknowledge your awkwardness and neither of you need to pretend that you know what to expect. Instead, discover together how to give each other pleasure that is pain free. I also recommend that you become curious about your emotions. It sounds as if you feel a sense of guilt that sex is currently painful for your wife. Or perhaps guilt that you still want sex? On the other hand, is it frustration at the situation that is making you angry?
I admire you for saying that you both have needs. So many men believe that they’re being unreasonable to think of their needs when their wife is experiencing pain or discomfort. For many, this is part of a wider, and frequently damaging, belief that they shouldn’t have any needs in a relationship. This often comes from childhood experiences. The more we know ourselves and recognise our needs, the more fulfilled and often less resentful and angry we become.
Explore all the emotions you’re experiencing. Why is sex important to you both? Is it being held, feeling safe, feeling close and loved, connecting with each other, the feeling of orgasm? All of these? By identifying these, you will hopefully be able to find more ways to give each other pleasure, safety, connection, closeness, intimacy. Sexual expression isn’t all about penetration. It might be that you both spend more time touching and cuddling; that you give each other a hand to reach orgasm; that, in time and with the help of lubrication, you are able to find different sex positions that give more pleasure.
You describe how you had more frequent sex when young, and wonder whether part of the sadness that you’re feeling might be for your youth. It’s very unlikely that this is the end of your sex life, but it may be that you’re moving into a new phase of life more generally. Changes such as the menopause are a reminder of ageing and time passing. It is natural to feel a sense of loss for a time when we had our whole lives ahead of us. It is worth appreciating how we’ve chosen to spend our years – it sounds as if you have a loving, fulfilling relationship that is worth celebrating. I hope your wife is able to seek effective help for these painful symptoms soon.













