The Clacton by-election is slowly approaching, and while most expect Nigel Farage to win, some of the electorate have hinted at turning towards an intergalactic alien instead.
So what happens if Count Binface wins the vote?
With all the major parties having pulled out of the race at its outset, the widespread assumption is that Farage’s top opponent is now the ‘independent space warrior’ with a bin for a face.
And while that may sound silly, there’s a chance it could become serious if enough people in Clacton-on-Sea decide they want to see the look on Farage’s face if his vote share is seriously dented by the novelty candidate.
Just last week, constituency polling by Survation found that one in five Clacton residents would rather vote for Count Binface over Farage.
Make sense of the mad world of British politics
Bookmakers William Hill are also giving 11/1 odds that Count Binface becomes Clacton’s new MP.
What happens if Binface wins?
So what happens if those people outnumber the voters who decide to back the man elected last time round?
The answer is, we’re not sure – no novelty candidate has ever won a Parliamentary election before.
The closest equivalent may be Stuart Drummond, who was elected Mayor of Hartlepool after standing as football mascot H’Angus the Monkey – and famously did quite well in the role, resulting in him being re-elected twice.
When is the Clacton by-election?
Polling for the Clacton by-election will begin on Thursday, August 13, and results are expected to be announced the following day.
The race for Clacton will see Reform’s Farage face off against Count Binface, Laurence Fox of Reclaim, several independent candidates, members of the Rejoin EU Party, the Social Democratic Party, and more.
Nick the Incredible Flying Brick, Howling Laud Hope, and Baron Von Thunderclap, all of the Monster Raving Loony Party, are also in the running for Clacton.
According to the i Paper, Binface would not be allowed to wear his (its? their?) signature costume in the House of Commons if elected, as clothing is required to ‘demonstrate respect for the House’.
Instead, we might end up with plain old comedian Jon Harvey sitting at the back of the chamber between Rupert Lowe and Jeremy Corbyn.
He may then need to make good on his election pledges, such as capping the price of 99 Flake ice creams at 99p and becoming the UK entry for next year’s Eurovision Song Contest.
Do you want to see Count Binface win the by-election?
Meanwhile, Farage would be free from the Parliamentary Standards Commission investigations into the £5 million ‘gift’ he received from crypto billionaire Christopher Harborne and the support he has received from aristocrat and convicted fraudster George Cottrell.
And all he would need to do in return is suffer through one of the most humiliating upsets in British political history, bringing him to eight losses in nine elections.
You’d imagine he would step down as Reform leader as a result, handing the reins over to Richard Tice, Robert Jenrick or Zia Yusuf and likely giving a boost to Prime Minister Andy Burnham.
Then Farage would be able to live life in peace, away from any media scrutiny of windfalls his pals might drop into his bank account.
Until, perhaps, the campaign kicks off for the next general election in 2029 and Count Binface is running for re-election.
That’s interesting… it looks like he’ll be up against a mysterious figure in a helmet shaped like a giant pint of bitter. And there’s something familiar about the candidate’s croaky voice, even as it echoes inside the headwear…
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